Alternative Rugby Commentary
- My Greatings To You The Rugby Universe
- Me, Myself, and I
- This site has been set up for one of the more strange things in rugby.
this man jedi is a comedian/ commentator of rugby matches in a bar in Newzeland.
he has set up a website and now has been doing his own videos for youtube. there will be as many videos as we can get up on the video box, all the new ones hopefully, when they're made and all the latest rugby news will be posted in the blog at the bottom.
if u want anymore info on ARC or jedi go to the forum or go to the website http://www.arcrugby.co.nz/
Tri nations test #5: "Do the new zealanders have the ball? we don't need it cause you have been cheating, you have been cheating!!"
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Kia Ora, from the land that time forgot.
No, we don’t have daylight savings in the state of Queensland, for reasons best known to the rum-drinking in-bred hicks that have the final say on that sort of thing up here in the Sunstroke State.
All I know is that it was dumped not long after I moved here and referendums have been held to see wether or not these intellectually-challenged criminal underclasses want to get in step with the developed world and re-instate daylight savings.
The result has always been negative, but the only reasons given have been that the farmers believe it upsets the cows and fades their wive’s curtains… I’m not making that up.
No daylight savings also means that I find myself 3 hours behind NZ. Most would argue that culturally, australia is more like 30 years behind NZ, but that goes without saying. But more importantly, as I write this on the eve of my departure for Wellington, it means that although my flight leaves Brisbane on Friday morning, I’ll clear Wellington airport at about 4pm.
I have successfully achieved what everybody wants to do - made that boring bit between Friday breakfast and the time you start the weekend’s drinking, magically disappear!
Aside from that happy revelation, I first have to take care of a few things. Will I need a jacket? Is a collared shirt required? Jandals or shoes? Are shorts a realistic option? How many pairs of undies do I need?
It’s a lot to consider.
One thing I will need for sure is my drinking hat. I am speaking figuratively of course, because although I do own a very attractive pointy wizard’s hat purchased at the Oktoberfest, I don’t actually wear any head-centric attire to get on the booze. I don’t even use hair product, Your Honour.
No, I’m referring to the state of mind required when one embarks on a serious venture of rugby, good times and avoiding transvestites in extremely dimly lit bars during the early hours of a Sunday morning.
As the ninja does before battle, as the Wellington players will do before the NPC final, and as Guy Ritchie used to do before undertaking sexual intercourse with Madonna as she began to increasingly resemble and elderly male triathlete, I am steeling myself for a challenge of wits, determination, physical endurance, discomfort and guaranteed loss of bodily fluids.
It is a daunting task, that of keeping up with Jed on the drink, and one made all the harder by those that choose to hide behind a cloak of anonymity while feeding you sly tequilas. But I am enervated by the challenge, and I know that, unlike last time, I’m not entering the game carrying an injury.
What will happen? Only time can tell. Stay tuned for the stories, and hopefully some photos.
0 Comments 241 weeks
Here we go, the selection.
It’s easy and fun, so why not have a go yourself. Person that kooks it the most must shout Friday morning tea in the office or place of work.
Hear me now!
1. Tony Woodcock
2. Andrew Hore
3. Neemia Tialata
4. Brad Thorn
5. Ali Williams
6. Jerome Kaino
7. Richie McCaw
8. Rodney So’oialo
9. Jimmy Cowan
10. Dan Carter
11. Sitiveni Sivivatu
12. Ma’a Nonu
13. Conrad Smith
14. Richard Kahui
15. Mils Muliaina
16. John Afoa
17. Kevin Mealamu
18. Jamie Mackintosh
19. Amthony Boric
20. Ross Filipo
21. Kieran Read
22. Liam Messam
23. Adam Thompson
24. Piri Weepu
25. Stephen Donald
26. Tim Bateman
27. Isaia Toeava
28. Joe Rokocoko
29. Hosea Gear
30. Paul Williams
31. John Schwalger
32. Dane Coles
33. Jeremy Thrush
34. Alby Mathewson
35. Stephen Brett
Let’s see who has been keeping an eye on the form.
0 Comments 241 weeks
From The Ireland - Michael Mackey Communicates.
Munster returned for the first game in a partially reopened Thomond park where 19,500 watched them put in a rusty looking win scoring 3 trys against a dogged Glasgow. The first try scored after 3 mins by Peter Stringer from an intercepted suicidal quick throw on Glasgow’s own 5 meter line. Second try in came in the second half when Barry Murphy when in in the corner from a beautiful grubber through from Tipoki. The third came from a fantastic break from full back and man of the match (again) Keith Earls, a lovely off load in the tackle put Doug Howlett through for his 4th try of the campaign. In a stunning start to the season expect to see the young 20 year old back to take some part in Ireland’s Autumn tests.
Leinster were beaten again this week, this time by their fellow Irish provenance Connacht (Con–oct … Con as in Con job, Oct as in the first part of October). Connacht scored the only try of the game in a move that moved them from their own 22 to under the post with only one phase, with lock Mike McCarthy going in under the posts. McCarthy then proceeded to get himself sent off for a second yellow after getting involved in an altercation after the try under the posts. McCarthy decided to welcome Rocky Elsom to Galway with headbutt, Rocky thanked him for his generosity by punching him two or three times to the face, this of course allowed him to spend 10 mins on the bench to admire the beauty of the west of Ireland. Despite being out numbered 15 to 14 for most of the second half Connacht hung on for a famous win. Given the difference in resources between Leinster and Connacht (which is of course a developmental side with less then half the budget of Leinster) this was a fantastic win and much needed shot in the arm for Connacht rugby.
Next week … fully reopened (26,500) Thomond park … HEC is back baby ! The greatest club competition in the world ! I’ll send you the photos from the stands !
0 Comments 244 weeks
Since 2005 The Alternative Rugby Commentary (Which was started for two very important reasons, firstly to save the rugby universe, second to conquer the world) has been the one lone voice in the Rugby Universe calling for a change to things, but the powers of the Rugby World paid no heed to rules of the Rugby Universe, as a result the Rugby Gods chose to bless one person with the powers of 'The Ball'.0 Replies 276 weeks
But he was ignored… Until now
In the golden hue of 2007, with the assistance of a computer network designed to function long after mankind had blown itself up and in order to save the world, the Alternative Rugby Commentary went to the United Kingdom to unleash its immeasurable power on the rugby populace, the reaction from the public was a deep, relieving sigh – suddenly Rugby had become fun for everyone, not just the short pants wearing, hairy arse schoolboy brigade.
Yes the Alternative Rugby Commentary helped Rugby escape the clutches of the posh and opened it up to middle classes as well.
And by Christ do they love their rugby, racing and beer, our scientific testing has shown this be true amongst a great deal of other things, for instance the world would sometimes prefer to hear a version of events somewhat outside that which is usually considered the norm.
We now know that when a foreign accent is used the results can be devastating, mispronounced Polynesian names like, Jerry Collins, Brian Williams, Rico Gear and who could ever forget those three tongue twisters, Bernie Fraser, Michael Jones and the almost impossible to say, Frank Bunce – what a poly shocker.
To save everyone the embarrassment, the Alternative Rugby Commentary allows you to hear those names said correctly and in a way you can understand, bro.
The Alternative Rugby Commentary, the perfect show if you're watching the All Blacks play from anywhere in the world and if you want the live experience, all you need do is enquire about adding your location to our tour schedule.
To contact us for information about how to either be at a show, or hear the results of a performance online, simply click on the 'Fixtures List' or feel free to email us through INFO@ARCRUGBY.CO.NZ
In 2008 The Alternative Rugby Commentary is Bringing Back the Black.
And that's the way it is.