Q. Why do mathematicians like national parks?
A. Because of the natural logs.

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?
Person 2: A natural log cabin.
Person 1: No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the c

There are only 10 types of people in the world —
those who understand binary, and those who don't

There are only 10 types of people in the world —
those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who understand Gray code.

If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal?

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't

"Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?"
"To get to the same side"

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."


A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. He admits he saw it. They ask him why he didn't put it out. He replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."


A sociologist, a physicist and a mathematician are all given equal amounts of fencing, and are asked to enclose the greatest area. The sociologist pauses for a moment and decides to enclose a square area with his fence. The physicist, realizing he can fence off a greater amount of land with the same amount of fencing, promptly sets his fence in the form of a circle, and smiles. "I'd like to see you beat that!" he says to the mathematician. The mathematician, in response, takes a very small piece of his own fencing, and wraps it around himself, proclaiming, "I define my location to be outside of the fence!"


Three statisticians go duck hunting. Their dog chases out a duck and it starts to fly. The first statistician aims and takes his shot, it misses a foot too high. The second statistician aims and takes his shot, it misses a foot too low. The third statistician says, "We got him!"


An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."


Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic math. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question; all she has to do is answer, "One third x cubed." She agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself. The first guy re

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have anywhere
to put it!

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my
head that far up my ass.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

If you were my dog, I'd shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards.

It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it
all together.
Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

I wanted to send all my friends some sort of holiday greeting without offending anyone, so, i consulted my lawyer and heres wat we came up with:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishesfor an enviromentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebrationof the winter/summer solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practises of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calender year 2007, but not without due respectfor the calenders of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great(not to imply that it is neccesarrily greater than an other country) and without regard to the race, credd, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee."