Linus : Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know that can turn a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you are the Charlie Browniest.

Its that time of the year again folks when we all try to be better people, a little nicer, kinder, more considerate to our friends and family, a little more thoughtful towards our fellow men (and women) and for just a little while we become the people we always wanted to be, full of love, happiness and a childlike wonder.and so its with this heartfelt message that i say

IF ANY ONE OF YOU FUCKING MISERABLE CUNTS TRY AND KILL MY CHRISTMAS BUZZ I WILL FUCK YOU UP AND MAKE YOUR PIECE OF PISS STINKING LIVES UNBEARABLE FOR THE NEXT FUCKING 12 MONTHS!!!!!YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS!!! WITH YOUR "ITS A CROCK" BULLSHIT WHILE STILL EXPECTING A PRESENT THAT HAS SOME FUCKING THOUGHT PUT INTO IT!!!! Dumb fucks.

Merry Christmas. (fa la la la la, la la la la)

no animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.
so i shot a dog.

Once upon a time in a small village there lived a little girl named ooooooooh I don’t know lets call her JIM …..anyhoo Jim worked in the local sheep market where every day she would rent sheep to the rest of the villagers in the community. This was not a difficult job, I mean if they were in the sheep store they most likely wanted a sheep? But due to unforeseen economic factors upper management decided to push villagers into renting more of the older sheep which just seemed to be sitting on the shelves….now this didn’t go down too well with Jim who had been in the sheep renting business for a while now and at one stage had even managed a sheep renting store in Loughrea! The idea was that if the villagers took more than one sheep they would get them for a cheaper price.

SHEEP PRICING STRUCTURE
1 sheep for 1 week 4 euro
2 sheep for 1 week 6 euro
3 sheep for 1 week 7 euro

But you get the idea……..

4 sheep for 1 week 8 euro
5 sheep for 1 week 9 euro

(not to mention the rent two new sheep and get a back catalogue sheep for only 1 euro AND keep them all for two nights! Which was really handy if you were renting sheep at the weekend)

Now Jim felt this new offer was only adding to the already huge amount of pressure that staff in the sheep renting business were already under, what with the introduction of other lines such as mp3 players and digital cameras to sell alongside the sheep(truth be told the sheep renting business was in decline due to the illegal downloading of sheep from the internet) and would say things like ….

No one will rent more than one sheep after ten in the evening!!!
And
I’m never speaking to you again!
And
I’m leaving !

All of which were of course…….untrue.

It was one day in the sheep store that Jim announced she was leaving. The other staff were surprised to say the least as not only had she worked there for quite a while and seemed to spend all her free time in there, but had also at one stage even managed a sheep renting store in Loughrea!

A big party was planned. The biggest the village had ever seen! I mean its not every day that Jim leaves ……is it?

The day of the party arrived. The staff of the shop finished work, cleaned up, merchandised the sheep and emptied the CE cabinet, then they went home and put on their finest clothes before meeting up for the going away party! There were balloons and fireworks and booze the likes of which they had never seen! All the staff had chipped in and gotten Jim a lovely present and a cake! (it was the least they could do as she worked there for quiet a while and seemed to spend all her free time in there, AND had also at one stage even managed a sheep renting store in Loughrea!)
The party lasted all night and when all the booze was drank and ALL the cake eaten the staff went home to their beds to dream about the wonderful time they had had at this UNIQUE, ONE OFF, NEVER TO BE REPEATED going away party.

And then something strange happened……………