When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

Ireland, not to be confused with Iceland, French Guiana, Baghdad or Beirut is an ancient isle located a fair bit west of Japan and is renowned for its rolling drunks, being a former Soviet republic, green hills, paints and scholars, friendly, 384 days of rainfall each year, unexcused sentimentalism, Irish Luck and the turf (ah, the turf). Ireland has been president of the Federation of Nations that hate Britain since 1069. The island of Ireland is split into two parts, Northern Badlands and the Republic of Ireland. Northern Badlands is part of the UK and has been since 1955.


The World Domination Plan
As Ireland moved into the 20th century, it had become rich thanks to exports of potatoes and ninjas. People often thank the Irish for gifting them with such objects, but few realise it's part of a long-term plan to destroy your mom (or ma). But that's probably just the Guinness talking...

Early in the 20th century the Irish realised that they had a few natural resources that were worth money. One was the ability to take nothing, call it a Leprechaun, and sell it at outrageous prices to Americans. This was mainly thanks to the many Irish spies who had "emigrated" there. In fact, many Irish operatives have travelled to almost every corner of the Earth. Every year on the 17th of March these spies hold their AGM under the guise of a holiday called "St. Patrick's Day", where the many people of Irish blood gather to celebrate their 'forefathers'. A mind-enhancing black substance called Guinness and Shamrock-shaped surveillance devices are distributed to the masses. This ensures that the plan for world domination (or at least a damn good piss up on the way) remains on target.

It is popular opinion that the Irish would have long ago suceeded in their plans, if only there weren't so many pubs on the way.

The CIA recently discovered that Terry Wogan had founded a sinister order to convert everyone in the world towards vacuous thinking and wearing pullovers leading the Department for Culture to question whether Radio 2 should be available on the internet in Live Streaming form.

Irish Music and Culture
The Irish are also excellent ninjas, scientists, car thieves, belly-dancers and inventors, a trait they like to show off every once in a while. In the '90s they thought they'd take the piss by winning the Eurovision Song Contest 3 decades in a row. This joke soon turned into a nightmare as they realised hosting the competition every year cost a fortune. Drastic money making procedures were put into action which culminated in a song and dance show called Riverdance where lots of Irish people would bang their feet off the floor in unison. This seemed to amuse foreigners, especially Asians (which is of concern to the world at large since the impact of a billion Chinese men and women stomping at the same time has been calculated by NASA scientists to take the Earth out of its orbit ).

Recently more Irish musicians have done their bit for world domination. Two groups called Boyzone and Westlife have ensured that the next generation of young girls will grow up to be fine, Irish-loving people. Recently an Irish Actor, Colin "Fecking" Farrell, copulated with the Heiress to the throne of Amerika, Princess Britney Spears. He realised soon after that the union would never work and sent her a goodbye present, a T-shirt saying "I shagged Bob Barker and all I got was this T-shirt".

Irish rock videos generally consist entirely of people dressed in trenchcoats singing while walking across lush green fields and hillsides. The musicians doing the most for Ireland's world domination are probably the most famous, one answers only to his code name "Bono" (a name he picked up at a country fair in 1962 after being caught giving the local pride and joy - an Irish wolfhound called Sugarblossom - a little too much attention) and his eternal sidekick Sir Bob Geldof. Their plan to alleviate world debt is merely a ploy to make all the shitty

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish
driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else
will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous
situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance
you have of getting hit.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
bodywork, especially with WW, MO or MH plates. With no
insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage
as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's
a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a
suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush
hour.

8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or
even someone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of
respect for the victim.

9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is the
home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of
Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test
drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!

10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in
front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the
light turns green.

11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover,
it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen
right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your
hi-velocity escape from danger.

12. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get
ahead of ! the pack by whatever means necessary.

13. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No
one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended