Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass

People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are.

******
One of my big fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to come to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding on to for years

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

I dunno how much AIDS scares y'all, but I got a theory: the day they come out with a cure for AIDS, a guaranteed one-shot cure, on that day there's gonna be fucking in the streets, man.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law?

I CAN READ IT! CAN YOU ????

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

61 Things Culchies love...


>1 A nice bit of ham.
>
>2 Buttered biscuits.
>
>3 Diggin Houles.
>
>4 Saying its too cold to snow
>
>5 Pretending to know about The Ra.
>
>6 Tayto Cheese & Onion
>
>7 Pretending they're in The Ra.
>
>8 A stretch in the evenings
>
>9 Lucozade
>
>10 Accordians
>
>11 Pretending to like Holy Week.
>
>12 A dinner dance
>
>13 Gettin clattered in muck.
>
>14 Shania Twain.
>
>15 Hefers
>
>16 Spittin in their hands before doing anything manual
>
>17 Steel toe caps.
>
>18 A big bowl of carrots & parsnips.
>
>19 Eating sangwiches out of the boot of a car at GAA
>
>20 Saying someones 'Opened a Book' on something.
>
>21 The smell of fresh dung.
>
>22 Slice-Your-Own Loaf.
>
>23 Work Clothes
>
>24 A bottle of mineral.
>
>25 Fightin'.
>
>26 Puttin on a ganzee to stop them from bein foundered
>
>27 'The' Hurling/Fitball.
>
>28 Being overweight.
>
>29 Wimen wha resemble Hefers.
>
>30 Saying "Aaah" after taking their first sup of tae.
>
>31 Drink driving.
>
>32 Red diesel
>
>33 The Fear of Change.
>
>34 A nice bit of Barnbrac
>
>35 Lying.
>
>36 Building walls.
>
>37 Being starved with the cold rather than with a lack of food
>
>38 Pretending to like mass
>
>39 Talking about shite like Flax and the Corncrake.
>
>40 A good blackthorn walkin stick.
>
>41 Shouting 'Yeeeeeoooo' when something good happens.
>
>42 Mohammed Ali.
>
>43 Machinery.
>
>44 Strange uppy-downy walks.
>
>45 A good f**kin read of Irelands Own.
>
>46 Gelling their 1cm fringe tight to their forehead.
>
>47 Scandal, as long as its about other people.
>
>48 Turf, because Sentirl heatin's for wimen.
>
>49 Soda farls.
>
>50 Sponge 'n Custirt
>
>51 Newmerica', and anything to do with it.
>
>52 Givin the dog the wildest baytins.
>
>53 Givin the wife the wildest baytins.
>
>54 The Ra.
>
>55 Winning a leg of lamb in a raffle.
>
>56 Wrecking the house whilst steaming.
>
>57 Club Orange
>
>58 Rubbing their hands together before tucking into their dinner
>
>59 The Foot & Mouth.
>
>60 Aetin' a big feed of spuds.
>
>61 TK Red Lemonade