Sunday, March 29, 2009

This made me cry...read to the end...is what I have most wanted...
Category: Romance and Relationships

Dr. John Barger shared his testimony on Dec. 12, 1987 about his relationship with his wife of many years and how it affected his thoughts on God and life...



"It's easy to scorn women, and most men do. We see women as physically weak, easy to intimidate, bound to the menial tasks of motherhood, emotional, illogical, and often petty. Or we see them as temptresses; in desire we idolize them and parade them across the pages of magazines, yet we scorn and hate them for their commanding sexual power over us. Male scorn for women affects every aspect of our lives: our relations with our mothers, our girlfriends, our secretaries, our wives, our children, the church, and even God himself.

I do not speak here merely of YOUR scorn here for women; I speak of MINE as well. My relatives grew up on the streets during the Depression, learning early the fury and scorn that characterized so many people in dire circumstances: drinking heavily and seeing women alternately as sex objects or servants....as a result, I swaggered through marriage for many years, ruling my wife Susan and my 7 children with an iron hand while citing scripture as justification for my privileges and authority. Afterall, scripture explicitly commands wives to obey their husbands. Years of dominating my wife and children left them habitually resentful and fearful of me, yet unwilling to challenge me because of the fury it might provoke....I alienated Susan and the children, and lost their love. Home was not a pleasant place to be-for them or for me. By 1983, Susan would have left me if it weren't for the children. And even that bond was losing its force.

Then a number of dramatic events occurred, which wrought a profound change in my moral, psychological, and spiritual life.

At 2 in the morning in a stark, bright hospital delivery room, I held in my left hand my tiny, lifeless son, and stared in disbelief at his death....I had the power to make my family's lives worse by raging against my baby's death and my wife's lack of love, or to make their lives better by learning to love them properly. I HAD TO CHOOSE. And it was a clear choice, presented in an instant as I stared at my tiny, helpless, stillborn infant cradled in my hand. In that critical instant, with God's grace, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good.

I don't have time....to tell you all of the afflictions we endured in the next four years: sick children, my mother's sudden death, my losing my job as a teacher, 3 more miscarriages, and finally a secret sorrow that pierced both of us to the very core of our beings.

In the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love, and to cease being a cause of pain, was to suffer, endure, and strive every minute to repudiate my anger, my resentment, my scorn, my jealousy, my lust, my pride, and my dozen of other vices.

I began holding my tongue.

I started admitting my faults and apologizing for them.

I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly-for the important thing was not to be right(or to be well thought of) but to love.

As I had made myself the center of my attention for too many years already, I said little about my own labors and sorrows; I sought to know Susan's and help her to bear them.

And, frankly, once I started listening to Susan-once I began really hearing her and drawing her out- I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows....most were not sorrows unique to Susan. They were the sorrows that all feel: sorrows that arise from the particular physiology of a woman and from their vocation as mothers, which gives then heavy duties and responsibilities while leaving them almost totally dependent on men for their material well-being and their spiritual support; sorrows th

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy
boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He
did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could
have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming
in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the
intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and
looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer
ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a
couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, 'I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up
behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the
guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the
'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate
holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the
chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally, I
assumed you had stolen the car.'

"10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships"-Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Category: Romance and Relationships

A few days ago I started reading this amazing book. I have thought about blogging about it before now, but as I am alone at the moment, all kids are away or sleeping, it seems like the ideal time. The book(see title and author above) has some amazing points about the lack of common sense that we are currently seeing in modern relationships, and it makes a lot of sense to me. The author says that, "What people DO is who they are." That statement makes so much sense to me. I live in a world where the people I love are saying/have said some really lovely things to me about the way they feel about me and our futures together, but their words and their actions do not line up. The, the other side of it, there are some people I really care about that simply do some pretty mean and selfish things. In both cases, Dr. Laura's statement is true. As much as I want to believe the best of the people I love, the way they treat me is "the proof in the pudding". And this blog is kind of an acknowledgment from me to them that I finally see and recognize what they are doing. They are NOT loving me, or being my friend, or any other amiable thing...the way they have treated me and/or continue to treat me, may just say more about who they are than any other thing. Good, kind people treat other people kindly. Selfish people act selfishly...meaning they do what feels good/right for themselves FIRST and think about other people later. It also brings home the point for me again. I WANT and WILL STRIVE to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated, always. I want what I "DO" to be who I am and I want it to speak of a sweet, lovely, unselfish friend or more, who only wants to do the right thing in all situations and not hurt or use or mistreat other people. Think about it. Practice it. Live it.