Carol O Sullivan R.I.P.

22/12/61 - 31/12/02

Miss You Every Day

only in Cork...
Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

142 Cork people were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins
from new shirts.

58 Cork people are injured each year by using sharp knives
instead of screwdrivers.

13 Cork people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas
tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

Cork Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 Cork people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of
plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Cork people had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper
with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Cork people were admitted to A&E in the last two
years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Cork people were injured last year in accidents involving out
of Control Scalextric cars.

AND finally......... In 2000, 8 Corkonians cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet!

FINE -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES -- This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING -- This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!) -- This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) -- This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH -- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH -- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." GO AHEAD! At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO -- This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS -- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT -- This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh" Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

WE NEED TO TALK -- The most dreaded four words a woman can say Because of something you did (or didn't) do; Because of something you said (or didn't) say; You have landed yourself in do-do deep! Prepare yourself for this talk. Practice your "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "It won't happen again" lines. These may be your only contributions to the 'TALK.'