The driver was a short man with a big fat bald head the kind you just want to lick like a coffee mug made out off silver from the old days when the streets ran pure with the blood of virgin dogs from Spain, oh yes those were the days when my coushin vinny and pillow jack were kings of softness beating peoples heads in with there comfort but not anymore gone were the days when a man was a man and a woman was forced to stay on the kitchen although i didnt agree with it at the time but now it seems like a good fucking idea if ya know what i mean anyway here I was, Frank Rosenburg the biggest drug lord in the west sat in the back of a taxi like a common.... well commoner, damn it! if only I hadent made that deal with Bobby Wall.
I never trusted the son of a bitch, i should have known there was something wrong with those purple oranges he sold me at 25 cent each, well i got that fucker back i stole his visage soft quality 10x4-ply pocket tissues leaving him mortal as a ... well mortal. than i killed him with my double sided monkey nut gun with the a tape player and a leather trigger but he had powerful friends you see he was the orginal flying monkey in the wizard of OZ and was having an affair with wicked witch and her sister that got killed by the house yeah they were intosome crazy shit i once heard a story that a guy walked in on the 3 of the and weren't they cutting up a bit of meat to make a ham sandwhich oh by god it was sick there were bannanas everywhere and a pile of concused children up against the wall and a few Polish people not sure what was going on.
''Up here is fine'' i said to the driver
i got out of the car and went to my colour changing horse that i rescued when i killed the monkey he had stole it from the set of the wizard of OZ, he did some weird stuff with that horse ya know beastiality.
sorry that wasn't polictally correct i meant to say inter-species erotica.
well thats enough about that i stopped at a gas station to fill my horse up with petrol because it was a long journey to dessalay when i came out of the shop after i noticed a guy feasting on the few remains of my dead horse so i shot him with my other gun a triple sided axe signed by micheal jordan attached to it.
I guy came up to me and says '' hey fool what ya doin dha foe laaaaaaaaaaaaad that is my doggyo yo is shootin bud''
''well now i have to walk because your stupid friend ate my horse'' i said
so after a long trip full of bright lights and angels and explosians that could never been shown in a low budget blog like this..you'll notice sume spalling mistkes aslwel, see?
but when i got there i went up to the king and asked for protection when he handed me a condom i realised id have to explain myelf so i started to tell my story ''The driver was a short man with a big fat bald ....


FIVE HOURS LATER

''And then you handed me a condom your magiceresty so i better stop or i'll just be repeating myself repeating myself repeating myself'

wait what did you just call me'' asked the king

''magiceresty?' I inquired

'' do you magesty?''

''Yes sir but the narrarator can's spell it''

''ok?'' said the king clearly confussed,''anyway here is your protection' and the king gave him a bodyguard

''wait thats it?'' i asked disapointed '' well it's a bit anti-climatic isn't it?

''quite right'' said the king and he killed the body guard '' now boy you must go on a quest to find your protection you desire, but do not stray to far from the trail as there is to see that can ever ben seen more to do that can ever be done- hold on a second, no orry thats the lion king well the point stand good luck young warrior






























TO BE CONTINUED

This one time i was walking down the cheese street and this purple carrot jumed out at me and wa like hey buddy got any change for the bus and i was like dude i told you to stay away from my sister and he was like dude you're thinking of my brother and i was like oh ok sorry, hey dont you think there are to many ands in this thing? and maybe you should ask that atomic donkey for some change and he was like ok then i will so he goes over and is like hey have you got any cha- holy fuck your jacki chan. No i'm actually Eddie Murphy said Eddie
Dude like i totally loved you in rush hour said the carrot
No you're not listening to me i'm eddie mur-

and dude like the breakfast club best movie ever

what? i wasnt in that and neither was chan

oh right, can i lick your face?

i dont see why not

hey this guy wants me to lick his face, he's weird get him. shouted the carrot

then 849 legs came out of no where and kicked him to death

and i was like ''dude did you see that guys balls?''

and the carrot was like 'yeah they were weird looking'







SO DONT DO DRUGS

Hello is tis thing on?
Good then we shall begin infact no no we wont because the light is to strong so it is, somebody fetch my mother i fear my legs are broken and johny looks horny

oh wait never mind i left my legs at home tut typical me oh well it could be worse like remeber the time me and Jack went down to the river

OLD MAN: Jack and I
STEVE: No it was me and Jack you werent there
OLD MAN: No it was jack and i, you weren't there
STEVE: Right FUCK OFF

Old man has heart attack and dies

STEVE: He gets a heart attack from me telling him to fuck but he's ok with me being a bingo winning blue socks witch lamp shades for eyes and a massive cock

this is my cock allan his mother was a hen and his father was a duck but thing of all is that allen doesn't eat popcorn out of a bucket he eats it out of a box so i disowned him yeah thats what happened to him

THE END

so then i got in my car a drove on through the night in search of day i was dude this totally sucks its been night for ages so i turned on a light and taught it grand hey its kinda like day now wow thats not very nice

HEY GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE BALL DONT MAKE ME GET THE HOSE

so as i was saying before i was inter-

RIGTH THATS IT I WARNED YOU GET READY TO KISS MY APPLE ASS BALL, Whats that? OH MY GOD HES GOT A GUN RUN

BANG and shit






Nobody messes with the ball.........bitch