"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..."

"No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. "

"Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline" ..."They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time"

"I can't believe you did this to me. You read my news. "
"I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that. "
"I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. "Veronica had a very funny joke today." I laughed at it later that night. "

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. CANNONBALL!"

"What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay. "

"I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you."

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal."
"Really."
"People know me."
"Well, I'm very happy for you. "
"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

"1001, 1002, 1003..."
"Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me."
"Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back."
"Well, you asked me to come by, sir."
"Oh, did I?"
"Yes."
"Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand."

"VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX AND WE ARE IN LOVE!"
[Brian shuts office door]
"Did I say that too loud?"
"Yeah, you sort of just yelled it."

"You've just destroyed the only thing I've ever loved. All right, there it is. What do you love?"
"I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here."

"Where are you?"
"Im in a glass cage of emotion!"

"You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?"
"Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?"

"Ron's dog barks at him] "You know I don't speak Spanish".

"I don't know what we're yelling about!"

"Loud noises!"

"Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
"No, there's no way that's correct."
"I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago. "
"Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? "
"No. No. "
"No, that's - that's what it means. Really."
"Agree to disagree."

"Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast."
"It jumped up a notch."
"It did, didn't it?"
"Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart."
"I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?"
"Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident."
"Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."

"That was one crazy party. I am hung over."
"I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming."
Brick: "I ate a big, red candle."

"Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?"
"When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway."
"Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking fo

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!