Chapter 1:
===============
1. Middle names:
George

2. Nickname(s):
Club Shop

3. Current location:
Grey auld toon

4. Eye color:
Broon

Chapter 2:
===============

1. Do you live with your parent(s):
Aye

2. Do you get along with your parent(s):
Aye

3. Do you have any Siblings?
A bro and a sis

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============
1. Ice Cream:
Cookie dough

2. Season:
Winter

3. Shampoo/conditioner:
WIT!
Chapter 4: Do You...
==============

1. Do you write on your hand?
no

2. Call people back:
Nah, if it's important they'll phone back

3. Believe in love?
I love beer does that count?

4. Any bad habits:
mmmmm

5. Any mental health issues:
Aye,

Chapter 5: Have You..
===============
1. Broken a bone:
Yep

2. Sprained stuff:
Oh aye

3. Had physical therapy:
Aye

4. Gotten stiches:
aye

5. Taken painkillers:
yep

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
Nah bugger that,

7. Been stung by a bee:
Aye

8. Sworn in front of your parents:
Yep

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===============
1. Movie(s):
Wanted

2. Person to text you:
Kenny arnott

3. Person you called:
Some wife at the evening telegraph

4. Person you hugged:
ma mammy

5. Person you tackled:
Fofe, no be doing that again in a hurry

6. Person you talked to on MSN
Linda

7. Thing you touched:
the keyboard

8. Thing you ate?
corn beef peece

9. Thing you drank?
water

Chapter 7: Future/Past/Present
===============

1. How old will you be in 10 months?
21

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
Nope, defo not

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 3 months?
Being able to walk again
5. Who was the last person to call you?
Some one at the BBC

6. Do you prefer to call or text?
Neither, both annoy the tits aff me

7. Do you have any pets?
nope, stewberry jam died

8. What were you doing at 12midnight last night?
watching tele

10. When is the last time you saw your mum?
this morning

11. What happened at 11:00a.m.?
i went for a wonder to skive work

12. How many countries have you lived in?
wan

13. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
wan

Here are a couple of songs i and my workmates changed the words to, during very busy days at work.


"Oh Jenny don't be hasty, come lick me like a pastry, You never know i might be tasty" to the tune of paulo nutini's jenny dont be hasty


"he lives in a house a tiny wee house in the Cairneyhill, It's a tiny wee house cause he's a midget in the Cairneyhill, We eat chinese but we dont like peas in the Cairneyhill, We drink buckfast so our giro doesnae last in the Cairneyhill" To the tune of Blurs
County house

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing".
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first then you swear after me. ok?"
"OK" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Oh, shit mum. I guess I'll have some Coco Pops".
Whack!!
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs, bawling his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what
do you want for breakfast, young man?!!"
"I don't know," he blubbered, "but it won't be fuckin' Coco Pops!!"