'ah!! the merthmobile...'

Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick

Playing acoustic guitar is like having sex with your clothes on. I mean you know how to do it but it's more difficult.

I've seen the horrors, horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me - you have a right to do that - but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies.

Im on the highway to hell

And then after the Frodo and Sam suckfest, just before the credits roll, Sam straight up fucking bricks in Frodo's mouth.

Raiden: Snake, you're a legend! Solid Snake: A legend is usually bad news. A person tells it, someone else passes it on.

Solid Snake: Unfortunately, killing is just one of those things that gets easier the more you do it.

Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture.

When the rich wage war it's the poor that die

(On the nerve injury in his arm) I'm a fighter. I don't quit. I'm probably going to record when I'm dead 'Live From His Coffin'.

Hey, Fucko, we like to call it inter-species erotica.

Huh ha Huh!

If you guys are going to be throwing beer bottles at us, at least make sure they're full.

Life, death, sex; what else is there? A beer maybe.

And since we are live on air and around the world right now, I'm not going to swear, but if you don't like the record you can.. *He says nothing and the crowd cheers* Okay, this next song we're gonna do for you is one of the new numbers that you heard earlier this evening. This is a song about... *Someone in crowd shouts something* SHUT UP FUCKER! THIS IS NOT COOL! *Crowd cheers again* Now you made me go and do it! You do it again and I'm gonna jump out there and I'm gonna beat your head in.

(On Kirk Hammett) I guess I don't have a problem with him. I mean, if I saw him drowning, I'd pull him out... after he went under a couple times.

Some journalists can be venomous, but fortunately I can get away with taking the piss out of them at the same time. You see, your mind is a lethal weapon. And I just happen to be armed with warheads!

This next song was written around a time when I was pretty pissed at the American Justice system and the frequent visits to court. *Huge boo from the crowd* Hey! Don't boo, I won!

'How many of you can play guitar?' and lots of people screamed. Then he said 'How many of you can play guitar as well as I do?' and lots of people screamed. Then he said 'YOU LIE!!!!!'

The band's name means the act of dying, but, like, really mega.

I think I'd make a better president than George Bush. I'll tell you what, George Bush and Dick Chaney have been to jail more times than I have, and I used to shoot heroin, now what does that tell you?

I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice.

I Miss My Donkey

I disagree, man, she was just an old timer, that's the way people talked back then! It didn't mean they were racist... but my grandmother did refer to a broken beer bottle once as a nigger knife... you know, come to think of it, my grandmother was kind of a racist.

The Transformers were a total slight against God. In as much as God sent his only begotten son to die on the cross to redeem mankind and all we did to pay him back was make terrible fucking cartoons, like the Transformers.

The plane is about to land in glasgow, please set your watch back 25 years.

To the bat caravan

Bad things to say when leading troops into battle 'Our best hope is that the enemy kills so many of us, they become slightly depressed.'

Amy Winehouse looks like a campaign poster for neglected horses

THE QUEEN, SPONSORED BY POWERGEN.

Do you like the music of Shawaddy Waddy?

'And The band was Shawaddy Waddy'

What do you like: Sneezing, You: I quite like tickling people, You: I like sticking marbles up my brothers bum...

Yes, there is a vegetarian option. You can fuck off!

Everybody look at de moon, everybody seein de moon, de moon is bright, he's milky white, everybody look at de moon.

Jupiter, I did a song. You ain't got one.

Well at least I think that's what happened, I wasn't watching I was having a wank!

Your hook's attached to my head , motherlicker!

I call this one, 'as close as you can get to Bailey's, without getting your eyes wet.'

I'm Old Gregg!

I dunno, do they lay down to sad music and die like the elephant man?

Don't fail me again.... Admiral....

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee

Quitt, Yo Jibba Jabba FOOL !

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it's not open

Don't wake my friend, he's dead tired

I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle!!

Phased plasma rifle with 40 watt range

Now I have a machine gun...ho ho ho.