Aquaboogie:
underwater throwdown; magic rythm for splanking noses

Around da way
From the neighborhood. "From around the way"



Big Bang Theory:
Funk set the universe in motion; ignition by Funk. Ain't nothin' but a party in a Black Hole

Black Hole:
Prime zone of Funkativity, nappy dogout, home to Star Child. Celestial body which suckulates the unfunky deep into its chocolaty centre

Bop Gun:
Dr. Funkenstein's greatest invention - one blast capable of splanking the funkless. The Star Child zaps Sir Nose D'VoidofFunk with the Bop Gun and Nose dances to the rythm of the flashlight.



Children of Production:
Clones of Dr. Funkenstein, come to blow the cobwebs out your mind

Clone Funk:
Joyful process by which Funkenstein creates in his own image Afronauts capable of funkatizing galaxies

Cosmic Slop:
Dancing with the Devil to pay your bills

Cro-nasal Sapiens:
The missing stink. Elephantinesnouted prehistoric ancestors of Sir Nose



Dr. Funkenstein:
Mad'glad scientist, master technician of Clone Funk; outer space tribal leader of the descendants of the Thumpasorus Peoples

Downstroke:
Standing on the verge of the Beat; a march to the rear towards the Final Splank



Ego Munchies:
All-night crazoid craving for pure egotronic unsatisfunktion

Electric Spank:
High-tech pimping of human instincts by the power brokers/jokers that be



Flashlight:
Funk-flesh artillery of the Bop Gun

Funk:
Used to be a bad word. Irre-ducible essential pulse, life force, hyperventilatin' Groove. Not only moves, it can re-move; will sit and sit and never go sour. "If you got Funk, you got style"

Funkadelica:
Throbassonic realm where nothing is good unless you play with it and all that is good is nasty

Funkentelechy:
Force by which Funk gets stronger. Shot with the Bop Gun, the funkatized are driven toward the attainment of the P-Funk by their own revitalized juices



G-funk:
Gangsta funk. Examples: Snoop Doggy Dogg, Warren G & Nate Dog.

George Clinton:
One of the most sampled men alive, creator of the P-Funk.


Honey Dip:
pretty young ladies with golden brown complexions



Maggot Brain:
State of mind and then the condition and position of your ass ("Free your mind and your ass will follow"). When you just say "Funk it!" and rise above a spankic situation

Mothership:
Outer space chariot bearing Star Child and Funkenstein back to Earth when it desreves a global splanking

Motor Booty Affair:
Bootyful funktion in downtown Atlantis where you can swim past reality behind a clock's back without getting wet. Ritualistic method of finding the One

Mr. Wiggles The Worm:
Subaquatic, ultrasonic, semibionic Clone of Dr. Funkenstein



The One:
The First Beat; wholeness, metafoolish perfection, as in "Everything is one the One"

One Nation:
Empire of the Groove, collective cathartic mass motor-vation



P.Funk (aka The P.):
Pure, uncut Funk, the Bomb; also Parliament-Funkadelic

Pinocchio Theory:
If you fake the Funk, your nose will grow

Placebo Theory:
Jivation through logic; how Noses everywhere spread fake Funk in place of the P., driving humans into perpetual do-loop or deep snooze

Pleasure Principle:
Pre-spanking self-satisfunktion



Rumpofsteelskin:
Bumpnoxious undersea avatar of Sir Nose



Sir Nose D'VoidofFunk (a.k.a. The Nose, Old Smell-o-Vision):
Putrified purveyor of of the Placebo Syndrome. Extended probosics from faking Funk. He's cool but has no groove; won't swim, sweat or dance

Splank:
Use of Funk to free minds and behinds from constipated notions; anti-spank

Star Child (alias The Long-Haired Sucker, Sir Lollipop Man):
Official representative of Funkentelechy; protector of the Pleasure Principle. Cosmic John the Bop-tist, arch-recording angel heralding the arrival of Dr. Funkenstein

Law of Supergroovalisticprosifunksticatio
 n:
Give the people

1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are
replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10. You carry an umbrella.
11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12. You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.
13. You have standing orders and direct debits.
14. The heating works in your house.
15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
29. You "hate scrounging students".
30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34. You always know where you are when you wake up.
35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and
pregnancy test kits.
38. A €3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41. You don't tolerate mice living in your kitchen.
42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43. You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44. You have vacuumed.
45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to
drink that much again".
47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48. You don't experiment with banned substances.
49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50. Lunchtime is not 'the morning'.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm instead of coffee.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

Once Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day
by it's technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Children are afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody deliver