HE GREATEST BAND ON EARTH(as told by Tenacious D)the D: Jack Black n Kyle Gass make up the Greatest Band in History: Tenacious D. They started playing together in Kyle's studio apt on Cochran Ave in Los Angeles. No one could have ever dreamed of where their genius would take them but take them it did...Tenacious D played their first gig at Al's bar in downtown LA in 94; they were armed with only one song at the time. "Tribute" a tribute to the greatest song in the world that when once played... The small crowds brains collectively exploded!"Who are these two guys?""Why are they so....""So..."D ciple: so..the D: well you fill in the adjective...but at that very first show there was a PECULIAR looking fellow, one David Cross, who said he enjoyed our little fandango and invited us to play a comedy show with him n some friends in Hwood, and that would be the Diamond Club, doing a series of shows with Host Laura Milligan and such guest stars as Ben Stiller and Jeaneane Garafalo to name but a few.D ciple: just a few.the d: of course.our little posse began what was to termed for better or worse the "alternative" comedy movement, but The D was more, much more.The D began to headline Comedy Night first at Pedros.D ciple: then?the D: and then when it moved to Largo, but whenever the D performed, people knew they were witnessing something special. it was hard to describe...D ciple: but please do...the D: "What is it? these two guys... playin acoustic guitars yet rockin harder than bands with twice the volume?"hold onD ciple: "thrice volume..."the D: so hard"Why was a live D show so compelling?" the people asked, "so entertaining so mind blowing so... so.. so Rocking?"It was alm.D ciple: alm?the D: sorry. It was almost impossible for people to explain the next day to their friends or co workers.D ciple: i cant imagine the conversation by the water cooler!the D: was it this wild lead singer with pipes of platinum?D ciple: or...the D: or was it the heavy set bald fellow churning out riffs of pure profundity?or was it some synergy created by these too unlikely rock gods that really couldn't be explained but had to be experienced LIVE and in person. Yes that is what it was! who knew that because Jack n Kyle were such uncompromising artists it would be years before they would submit to releasing their songs.yeah yeah are you taking all this down?D ciple: i am!D ciple: keep rolling.soon Bob Odenkirk n David Cross would want to exploit the D for their own devices.D ciple: an evil plot?the D: and take the D's natural magic, try n bottle it and put it on the small screen on pay cable.what was created ignited the nation...D ciple: into flames?the D: anyone who was witness to the original HBO TV show was treated to nothing less than an entertainment revolution: Jack Black and Kyle Gass have arrived to change the way we listen to sound to change the way we thought.D ciple: think?the D: to change the way we might eat a delicious meal.D ciple: indeed.the D: but integrity came first as it always does with the D, and all parties had to part ways.the show that replaced the D? oh I don't know if you've heard of a little show called THE SOPRANOS!D ciple: hmmm...the 3 tenors?the D: well Jack n Kyle had something to prove now.D ciple: and?the D: so they staged a bidding war, signed with Epic Records, made a record with some wickedly talented dudes: Dave Grohl, Page from Phish, Warren from the Vandals, Steve from Redd Kross and the Dust Bros. in the production seat.D ciple: due Sept. 25th.......the D: then Spumco, the creators of Ren & Stimpy, made a rockin' animated music video for their favorite love song.D ciple: a silly love song?the D: not silly, a deep love song called "Fuck Her Gently", wrote a movie due out next year and blah blah blah.there done! ///////////////////////////10 Commandments of the D1. Never stop Rocking.2. Legalize all drugs.3. Quit your day job.4. All Religion should be taxed.5. Cut down on carbohydrates.6. Fuck her gently.7. Never bel

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there, then its soaked with tears and blood.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

A Tsunami is water running away from Chuck Norris.

How many times does it take Chuck Norris to screw in a light bulb? None. Chuck Norris does not need light. Light needs Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt get brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

Chuck Norris got in a fight with a cloud.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris jacks off to Monster Trucks.

Jeeves asks Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris brushes with Plutonium.

Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

Chuck Norris made Satan cry.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!"

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

In the begining, Chuck Norris told God to make him something to play with and gave him a seven day deadline.

Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

The idea for the show "24" is actually stolen from a drawing Chuck Norris made when he was drunk.

Chuck Norris kicked a 50 yard field goal while having sex.

The biggest mistake Clint Eastwood ever made is when he told Chuck Norris to make his day.

Chuck Norris killed the last Unicorn with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris plays soccer with severed heads.

Chuck Norris can lift a mountain over his head with one arm and make a perfect pitcher of Kool Aid with the other.

Chuck Norris is like a Tsunami, if you can see him coming it's already too late.

Uncle Sam doesn't want you anymore. He's got Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris beat up the Jolly Green giant.

Chuck Norris ate the Stay Puff Marshmellow man.

Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with the Grim Reaper.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard r

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