SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It\'s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her. Repeataly ( Bastards)

SYMPTOM: Don\'t recognise anyone, don\'t even recognise the room you\'re in.
FAULT: Don\'t panic - you\'ve wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they\'ve any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has \"gone to the dogs nowadays\".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You\'ve fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: Get a by stander to drag you back to the bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You\'re looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.Or stay the night and surprise bar staff next morning when all drink is gone.

SYMPTOM: Taxi\'s interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. The bigger the better soft landing and easy to run away from

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don\'t remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You\'ve been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a womans breasts. ( Nice one!!!)
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend\'s fist. And counter with a swift knee to stomach and pint glass to face. THen leave with help from the "friendly" bouncers or gardai.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It\'s too late, you made complete arsehole of self. On arrival stomach will be pumped and ready for a another night on the sauce......... Nice

1.Who are you?.......
2. Are we friends?........
3. When and how did we meet?........
4. Do you or did u hav a crush on me?.........
5. Give me a nikname and explain why?........
6. Describe me in 1 word........
7. what was ur first impression ov me?.......
8. do u still fink the same?......
9. What reminds u ov me?.....
10. If you could giv me anything wot wod it b?......
11. How well do u no me?......
12. Whens the last tym u saw me?.....
13. Eva wanted 2 tell me sumthing u couldnt?......
14. Are you goin 2 put dis on ur blog and c wot i say about u?.....