At the core of all well-founded belief lies belief that is unfounded

Law of conservation of confusion : The total amount of confusion in this world remains constant. It just gets shifted around

The problem with instant gratification is that it takes too long...

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Never let your schooling interfere with your education

Are you criminally deranged, or simply bad at expressing yourself?

I blame society for anything I've said that you disagree with

The human brain is a complex organ with the wonderful power of enabling man to find reasons for continuing to believe whatever it is that he wants to believe

Every time that I think I'm wrong, I realize that I was mistaken

You can lead a man to politics, but you can't make him think.

Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

And there you have several miracles, first among them the wonder of a three-dimensional volume where black squiggles on white paper create worlds

Engineering - How does it work? Science - Why does it work? Management - When will it work? Liberal Arts - Do you want fries with that?

When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that all of the dunces are in confederacy against him

We must embrace the heresy of today, for it is the logic of tomorrow

It must be exciting to think that way, but a drag to have to deal with the clinical diagnosis

Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.

The Universe is but a screen-saver, waiting for God to twitch

Success: the maximum utilization of what others can do for you

Good grief! Another increase in the number of things I know nothing about.

In capitalism man exploits man. In communism it's the other way around

Insanity is not a state of mind, it's a way of life

As time divides, we watch, we wait...

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity

Time is like the tide. Blue.

There's only two things in life ... but I forget what they are

World Domination is not just a job, it's a hobby as well

Virtuous motives, trammeled by inertia and timidity, are no match for armed and resolute wickedness

I was put in this world to accomplish a certain number of things and I am so far behind right now that I will never die

Imagination is more important than knowledge

Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.

The future, whatever else it may be, is always infintely, flagrantly, more peculiarly strange than the products of our imagination

The theory of economic growth may be doomed on a finite planet

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know

Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality

A witty saying proves nothing.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--what's more--you'll be a Man, my son!