1. Brush your teeth
2. Use as drum sticks.
3. Give to Cinderella to clean the floors of the gaff.
4. If in the event you are in prison and are Jose and Jesus’ bitch sharpen the end and use as a defensive tool in the war against angry homosexual Mexican prisoners.
5. Use in the shower as a wee scrubber for those places you can’t reach.
6. Cut off the bristles, spray paint them green and make a mini Christmas tree for a poor Polish family.
7. Use as an archaeological digging tool.
8. Douse someone you don’t like in gasoline, step across and room, set five toothbrushes on fire and play darts.
9. Take hostages in a bank, use the toothbrush as a writing tool to make your demands to the law enforcement. Other required ingredients include toothpaste and paper plates.
10. Use the tooth brush as a substitute for a paint brush whilst painting your next master piece.
11. Use it to scrub the toilet.
12. Use them to play the Xylophone.
13. Buy one of them giant tooth brushes like you could back in the day and use it as a big money box, my one formally had stickers of all the members of Westlife on it. I’m old school.
14. Invent your own game, were you are the ruler of a country and toothbrushes are the currency.
15. Use as a guitar plectrum.
16. Cut off the heads of the toothbrushes and use to spell things out for parties such as Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, I Want a Divorce etc.
17. Use to type the 17th use of a toothbrush.
18. Use one to conduct an orchestra.
19. In metaphorical terminology use one to “stir shit up”.
20. If in the unfortunate circumstance that you accidently lose a finger, get some duct tape and a toothbrush.
21. Use the vibrations of an electric toothbrush to give a sensual massage to a loved one.
22. Use one to “Slappa da bass mon.”
23. Use as substitute chop sticks.
24. Combine 10 to provide spokes for the wheel of a bike.
25. Take the hands of your mum’s favourite grandfather clock and replace them with High School Musical themed toothbrushes, and every hour as it chimes laugh as it belts out a rendition of “We’re Soaring, We’re Flying”
26. Get and overly large toothbrush and play mini golf with it.
27. If you know someone who has no hands, don’t laugh, help them brush their teeth instead.
28. If you have no teeth you can always donate your toothbrush to charity.
29. Use one toothbrush to slowly beat a man to death.
30. Go to Argos with nothing on apart from your toothbrush, and watch as the public stand in stare in shock that such a small implement can cover that area.
31. Blindfold someone, get an electric toothbrush, put it too their ear and watch as they believe your holding a chainsaw to them.
32. After dealing with Jesus and Jose in prison, use the same toothbrush to slowly wear away the cement in your cell.
33. Make a lucrative business using the bristles of toothbrushes to make fake eyelashes.
34. If painting a Christmas scene use the toothbrush to accurately depict the snow falling.
35. Whittle one down to a lock pick, break into the toothbrush factory, ah the irony.
36. Mascara brush broken? Use a toothbrush.
37. Collect small models of army men and such, I know they can be delicate, a duster would be too big, water would crack the paint. Use a toothbrush
38. Sharpen one to make a pizza cutter.
39. For all you drug addicts out there use a toothbrush to rub cocaine around your gums.
40. A wedding approaches, you realise you’ve no confetti for afterwards, don’t despair, get a small box a toothbrush and a Swiss army knife, gently wear the toothbrush down, creating hundreds of plastic shards, a great confetti substitute.
41. You and your partner like to experiment in the bedroom department? Get yourself an electric toothbrush.
42. Melt 500 toothbrushes down, let it set in the shape of a ball, thus creating you very own custom made bowling ball.
43. After escaping prison using only your sharpened toothbrush imagine your joy when the F.

Pre-Season Fixtures.
11th July- Shamrock Rovers (a) 3-0 W
18th July-Darlington (a) 7-2 W
21st July-Huddersfield Town (a) 1-0 W
25th July- Leyton Orient (a) 6-1 L How embarrassing
26th July- FC Utrecht (a)Cancelled due to basterd Sunderland.
29th July-Leeds United (h)0-0 D
2nd August- Dundee United (a)1-1 D

Championship Fixtures
8th August 2009- West Brom (a) 1-1 D 12th
15th August- Reading (h) 3-0 Go on Ameobi!!! 3rd
19th August- Sheffield Wednesday (h)1-0 Ive got Shol but im not a Shola 3rd
22nd August- Crystal Palace (a) 0-2, another clean sheet cmon! 3rd
26th August (LC) Huddersfield. 4-3 what a comeback roll on Peterborough
29th August- Leicester City (h)1-0 TOP OF THE LEAGUE!!! 1st
12th September- Cardiff (a) 1-0 1st
15th September- Blackpool (a) 2-1 first loss fuck sake, 3rd
19th September- Plymouth (h) 3-1 2nd
22nd September- Peterborough LC (a) 2-0 (L) out already fuckers.
26th September- Ipswich (a) (Coverage Live on BBC 5:30 Kick off)4-0 W Nolan Hat trick GOD
30th September- QPR (h) 1-1 Harewood Debut goal
3rd October- Bristol City (h) 0-0
17th October- Nottingham Forest (a) 0-1 L WANGERS
20th October- Scunthorpe United (a) 2-1 L FUCK
24th October- Doncaster Rovers (h) 2-1 Nolan hero again 9th of the season. Top of the League Cmon the toon.
31st October- Sheffield United (a)
7th November- Peterborough (h)
21st November- Preston North End (a)
28th November- Swansea (h)
5th December- Watford (h)
8th December- Coventry City (a)
12th December- Barnsley (a)
*19th December- Middlesbrough (h) *
26th December- Sheffield Wednesday (a)
28th December- Derby (h)
10th January- Reading (a)
16th January- West Brom (h)
27th January- Crystal Palace (h)
30th January- Leicester City (a)
6th February- Cardiff (h)
9th February- Derby (a)
13th February- Swansea (a)
17th February- Coventry (h)
20th February- Preston North End (h)
27th February- Watford (a)
6th March- Barnsley (h)
*13th March- Middlesbrough (a)*
17th March- Scunthorpe (h)
20th March- Bristol City (a)
23rd March- Doncaster (a)
27th March- Nottingham Forest (h)
3rd April- Peterborough (a)
5th April- Sheffield United (h)
10th April- Blackpool (h)
17th April- Plymouth (a)
24th April- Ipswich (h)
2nd May- QPR (a)


CMON THE TOON!!!!!!!!