Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Chase, Forman and House] You guys figure we're done down there? The 800 people milling around are just waiting for the bathroom?
Dr. Gregory House: 12 year old female. Fever, rash, neck pain... it's not menengitis.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's the definition of meningitis!
Dr. Gregory House: Sure. Pus in the spinal canal makes it hard to move your neck up and down, but her neck only hurts moving side to side...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Side to side... right.
Dr. Gregory House: Doesn't fit.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [looking at Chase and Forman] The three of you, lobby, NOW!
Dr. Gregory House: Those blue pills you're passing around so efficiently aren't doing squat!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You just don't want to deal with the epidemic!
Dr. Gregory House: That's right. I'm subjecting a 12 year old to a battery of dangerous and evasive tests to avoid being bored.
[silence]
Dr. Gregory House: Ok, maybe I would do that. But I'm not! - If it turns out she's got menengitis, you're right, you win, but if we go downstairs and she dies,
[huffs]
Dr. Gregory House: your face will be soooo red...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...You have one hour.

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

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Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

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Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

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Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

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Dr. Gregory House: Mixing up some margaritas? Mine's a double, Senorita. That's Portuguese you know.
Dr. Cameron: [too quietly] Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-oh. What's going on?
Dr. Cameron: I'm re-calibrating the centrifuge.
Dr. Gregory House: Turn around.
[she's been crying]
Dr. Gregory House: It's a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
Dr. Cameron: I'm not crying.
Dr. Gregory House: Ok.
[pause]
Dr. Cameron: ...When I was in college, I... I fell in love, and I got married. And...
Dr. Gregory House: At that age the chances of a marriage lasting...
Dr. Cameron: It lasted six months. Thyroid cancer metastasized to his brain. There was nothing they could do. I was 21, and I watched my husband die.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry,
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: but that's not the whole story. It's a symptom, not your illness. Thyroid cancer would have been diagnosed at least a year before his death, you knew he was dying when you married him. Must have been when you first met him; and you married him anyway. You can't be that good a person and well adjusted.
Dr. Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Because you wind up crying over centrifuges.
Dr. Cameron: Or hating people?

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Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this.
[pause]
Dr. Wilson: Did you know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
Dr. Gregory House: The guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
Dr. Gregory House: How do you not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
Dr. Gregory House: [guessing] She's not anymore.
Dr. Wilson: But we can't ta