Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

chuck norris has abolished cloning,in the fear that if another chuck norris is born and they roundhouse kicked each other they would cause the end of the world

chuck norris went bungee jumping once but jas vowed never to do it again, because one grand canyon is enough

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........

next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2)Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Gregg. How's your day been"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up,then scream,"That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
1 Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,without getting off.
20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"