Classic Homer
Homer [Praying heavenward]: I'm not normally a religious man, but if
you're up there, save me, Superman!


Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and
studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be
extracted for our personal use.

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man... [
laughs hysterically] So to answer your question, I don't know.


Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of
chocolate to milk.


Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved
your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother
from his neon claws!


Homer: God bless those pagans.


Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what
separates us from the animals... except the weasel.


Dealer: 19.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 20.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 21.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 22.
Homer: D'oh!


Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a
city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would
explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."


Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
Homer [looks puzzled]: That's bad..... Can I go now?


Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You
have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed
into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube


Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have
Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his
name is Mother Shabubu now.


Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad
people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.


Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in
the end.


Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we
left.
How very odd.


Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding,
"you're making a scene."


Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day


Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What
about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.


Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!


Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I
thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But
instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.


Homer: [cocks a shotgun] To the book depository!


[Homer is a Blackjack dealer]
Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer deals Bond a card] Joker?
You're supposed to take these out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry, I'll give you another one. [Homer deals Bond another
card ] James Bond: What's this? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond... [Oddjob and Jaws advance on Bond and
grab him]

A guide 2 YEE HAA (The Ultimate Drinkin Game) 26 days ago

Yee haa!" is a unique drinking game where players make signals to each other and failure in responding correctly to these signals results in a penalty of, yep you guessed it.. DRINKING! (actual object is to get shit-faced but the signals help to disguise that fact)

- First of all, a reasonably sized group of people is required and must be seated in a circlular fashion, this is to ensure all players are in view of one another. (It does tend to help the proceedings of Yeeha! if these individuals are reknowned for being 'Piss Heads')

- A Chairperson must then be assigned to govern outcomes and have final say in breach of rules, penalties, etc. This person must obviously be an experienced "Yeeha!" player and not be a dull/boring individual.

- Once all players are seated, they are to have at least one drink in front of themselves (preferably a full pint). Please note: all players are responsible for the purchasing of their own drinks. Exceptions will include CRFC bar while a lock-in is in progress.

- Rules and standard penalties shall then be explained by the Chairperson, before play begins.



Rules & Signals:

Hand signals synchronized with calls are the key to 'Yeeha!'.
- The main call is obviously 'Yeeha!'. This call must be accompanied by a hand signal in the direction of either left or right. This then passes to the person sitting next to you on that side. 'Yeeha!' is the standard call and keeps the game flowing. 'Yeeha!' will also start of a round of play.

Please note: All calls are to be screamed in typical cowboy fashion. NEVER question this fact!

- Ho Down! is the next call. This accompanied by the gesture (similar to that of a trucker sounding his horn) will reverse play. The hand used to make this signal must be that corresponding to the flow of play, i.e if play is going from left to right, the right hand must be used.

These are the two standard calls of 'Yeeha!' and once players have mastered these, extra calls will be added in. (Mastering these calls rarely happens due to the immense amount of alcohol being consumed)

The next two calls added are impossible to type but for convenience sake lets call them 'neighing' and 'spitting'.

- 'Neighing'.. yep like a horse accompanied by standing up and making a signal similar to pulling on the reigns of a horse results in skipping the next player after you, whichever way play is flowing.

- 'Spitting'.. (like cowboys spitting tobacco) accompanied by standing up and making a 'spitting' gesture results in play being reversed and the next player being skipped. (players are requested to resist the urge of actually spitting on other players, it's just basic manners)

This is usually more than enough for most players as by the time everyone has even slighty mastered these, let alone 'Yeeha!' or 'Ho-Down!', they are usually well on the way to shit-faced glory. If however players are finding things too easy (yea right), further calls can be added in. Caution: These calls are generally for experienced players' use.

These calls are 'Hay-Barn' and 'Cow-Girl'.

- Cow-Girl accompanied by standing up and the grabbing of the breasts (own breasts) will skip the next two players in the direction of play flow. Please note: Breasts can belong to males or females.. (I mean this is associated with rugby players). Also 'Cow-Girl' is the only call where all players are required to speak in a gayed up 'Cow-Girl' voice.

- Hay-Barn accompanied by standing up and putting the hands on the head making the shape of a tent results in play being reversed and the next two players being skipped.

Again this should be more than enough to attempt but to make things interesting there are two further calls:

- 'Shotgun' accompanied by a shotgun shooting action will skip play to the corresponding player the 'shotgun' is pointed at at the otherside of the playing circle. Play shall continue in