> 1. He called everyone brother.
> 2. He liked Gospel.
> 3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
> 1. He went into His Father's business.
> 2. He lived at home until he was 33.
> 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He
> was God.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
> 1. He talked with His hands.
> 2. He had wine with His meals.
> 3. He used olive oil.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
> Californian:
> 1. He never cut His hair.
> 2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
> 3. He started a new religion.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an
> American Indian:
> 1. He was at peace with nature.
> 2. He ate a lot of fish.
> 3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
> 1. He never got married.
> 2. He was always telling stories.
> 3. He loved green pastures.
>
> But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was
> a WOMAN:
> 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
> 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who
> just didn't get it.
> 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was
> work to do.
>
> AMEN

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

THE END

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.