GO THE GREEN

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Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.

Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down

On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife a beating just because he can. Chuck Norris is such a romantic he makes every day Valentine’s Day.

When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right o