by Jod Kaftan

George Miller, a famous psychology professor from Princeton University, determined the human mind can only remember about seven pieces of information. This can’t be right. When it comes to romance and dating, I can only remember three. It could be my ADD. It’s also likely that, as a long time bachelor now married, I have only gained three pieces of insight from some slowly wrought trial and error. Remember how they say men mature slowly? Yeah, they forgot to mention the learning curve never ends. So here’s my 2 cents:

* Faith: I had a long career as a single man (with varying degrees of success and failure—okay, failure). And when I think about why many of my relationships fizzled it’s because I lacked one thing: faith in the relationship—and more importantly, faith in myself (i.e. “why would someone want to love me?”). What does faith really mean? Part of it means accepting that life is unsettled, messy and unfinished. Embrace the surprises that life has to offer, and focus on just reinforcing the bond with your loved one. Don’t let fear of the unknown stunt your efforts. Know that real love can endure anything you throw at it. That’s faith. If you love them, believe in it, and be okay with not being able to control every aspect of your romantic destiny.

* Judgment: Faith is meaningless if you’re dating someone you know is bad for you; someone who has no interest in really working to be happy, or, especially, someone who’s just dating you for sex to fill a lonely void. To be in a successful relationship you have to really believe that you deserve it. If you do, you will attract someone who wants the same thing. Yes, it’s easier said then done. And it requires, in some cases, years of patience and fine-tuned discrimination. But never give your heart to someone you know doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You’ll only be hurting both of you. If they say “I’m only going to hurt you in the end” believe them–they will. And you’re no Dr. Phil, so don’t try to reform them.

* Forgiveness: My own relationship with my wife is kind of easy. I adore her. Does she annoy me sometimes? Hell, yeah! But I always let the love between us take charge. And that means not holding onto things that will only fester down the road. Love should always be the reference point. I ask myself: “Would I rather be right, or happy?” Being right is great if you’re a mathematician, but not if you’re a lover. This doesn’t mean I roll over every time. If I’m upset I deal with it. But again, let the love absorb the mistakes you both make—and never hold on to anger because it will only be toxic. If you accept people are fallible then you understand the most important thing in the world: yourself.

About Jod Kaftan: A long recovering bachelor (some would say “lout”) who decided to make the leap and marry the girl he loved, Jod Kaftan is still figuring it all out–if only he’d follow his own advice. Jod is a contributing editor at the LA Times Magazine. He has contributed to Rolling Stone, Salon, The Los Angeles Times and the New York Times. Follow Jod on Twitter @Jodspeed!

By Carrie Seim

It's high time for ladies to go on the offense when it comes to the game of love. The old “rules” said ladies had to wait around for their gentlemen callers. The new rules say – how boring is that?

Anne, a Jersey girl on Zoosk, took a shining to Zoosker Paul’s profile. Instead of twiddling her thumbs, waiting for an engraved invitation to love, Annie “favorited” his profile. Paul winked back. And as of January 2, the two are officially an item! Instead of playing hard to get and letting guys deal the cards, Annie bravely reshuffled the deck. Her Zoosk success story proves that women should stop waiting and start dating! After all, making the first move looks good on you!

Go ahead, send him a wink.

If a lucky guy catches your eye on Zoosk, don’t be afraid to favorite him, send him a wink or toss him a flirt. These low-risk moves can bring big success to your love life. Nothing winked, nothing gained, right?

You’d be surprised at how much men crave compliments, and how seldom they receive them. There’s nothing more flattering than a flirt from a sultry stranger. (That’s you.) So send him a friendly wink. Or give him kudos for the spectacles he’s sporting in his profile pic. Or answer one of his Date Card icebreakers with a compliment on his curiosity.

You don’t have to propose marriage – just give a hint that you’re into him. Then watch how fast he comes running! Nervous that men only want a chase? Not so fast…

Men dig ladies who make a move

“The one thing that always makes me feel like a rock star is when a girl approaches me first,” says 30-year-old Dan from Los Angeles. “It’s that simple.”

Men across the country have told me how attracted they are to women who go for what they want – especially when what they want is them.
Bring it

If there’s one thing guys aren’t short on, it’s overconfident delusion. This can be annoying at times (“I’m the best Rock Band player to walk the earth,”) but it’s a valuable commodity in the flirting field.

So try their tricks. Think about how fascinating, funny and fox you are before you approach a lucky guy. And remember how thrilled he’s going to be to hear from you.

Because really, what are you risking? If for some insane reason the dude doesn’t wink back, well, there are 50 million singles on Zoosk, so there are million more guys to choose from!

No more waiting around for Prince Charming, ladies. Time to find your own glass slipper!