This is the very beginning of Ice. If you don't like it much don't be disappointed. It's only the beginning!!

It was just your average day in a below average office. Two phone calls had been received. One telemarketer and one wrong number. The ancient computer was frozen halfway through a solitaire game and the sunlight tried to stream through the grimy windows. There were two men loitering inside. A dark haired man with a goatee was slumped on his chair, staring at the silent phone.
"A watched phone doesn’t ring". The other man said without looking up from his book.
"Yes it does," the other man replied grumpily, "It just rings more often than if I don’t watch it."
"You could be doing something more productive instead of watching the telephone."
"What?" He snorted and sat up straight, "Like read Bridges of Madison County just like you?"
The bookworm glanced up. He wore contacts that made his eyes look like soccer balls. He had sandy blonde hair that fell over his eyes.
"Spying on the phone isn’t what you’re employed for Dick." He sounded annoyed.
"Reading a kissing manual isn’t what you’re employed for either!"
Both men glared at each other. The man with the goatee was Richard Pritcher. His nickname, Dick, was not only a short version of his name but had the added advantage of describing his personality. The other man was Carlos Peters. He had a nickname too, cake-eater, but only his mother and sisters called him that. His mother was also the reason for a white boy like him having a Spanish name. On her hen’s night she had been "romanced" by a hunk from "Carlos’ Male Strippers". This was something that Carlos kept really quiet.
Both men were private undercover detectives with a much larger organisation known as ICE: Intelligence Collaboration Experts. They were so private that only their own organisation hired them. While their door said "detectives", their job description said "spy".

Dick finally decided to make Carlos and himself a coffee. He hadn’t even gotten the lid off the coffee pot when the phone rang.
"What did I tell you?" He laughed.
"It won’t be anybody important". Replied Carlos.
Carlos answered the phone in his "Dignified Office Voice". A voice he often used over the phone, even when he was calling the Hot Chat Hotline. Which he often did.
"Goodmorning this is Pritcher and Peters, how may I help you?" Asked Carlos. He listened, then his facial expression changed. "Oh, hi mummy". He tried to say quietly.
Dick burst out laughing, coffee spraying all over the kitchen. He wiped himself off, went over to Carlos and swiped the receiver out of Carlos’ hand.
"Hi mummy, Carlos is a bit busy at the moment. He is waiting for the phone line to clear so he could call his homeless girlfriend who lives in the ghetto and has seven illegitimate children that Carlos is trying so hard to raise. I’m afraid you’ve disrupted his schedule. Call back at Christmas. Oh, and by the way, your neighbour is Irish." Dick hung up and turned to see Carlos’ expression.
"You mentioned homeless, Irish and ghetto in the same sentence. She’s gonna kill me! You idiot!"
"If she believes that you might as well tell her that Santa Claus is her husband. Won’t that just make her happy." Dick laughed. "Ah, it’s going to be a good day."

Lunch time came rolling around. Dick lazily flicked a cockroach from the over-spilling stuffing that was crawling out of the couch. It flew across the room and landed in Carlos’ new mug of coffee. Dick watched as Carlos sipped the coffee, unaware that the cockroach was now in it.
"Yuck!" Dick exclaimed, horrified.
Carlos looked up. "What is it?"
Dick calmly swallowed down an approaching gag. "Oh I just pictured your mother naked. That’s all."
Carlos shot him a menacing look. "You are a freak." He hissed.
"And so is your mama." Dick sipped his cockroach free coffee.
Carlos scratched his face while shooting Dick an angry glare.
"What’s the matter, bug