Unbelieeevable


She had a face on her like a well slapped arse
>
>You're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit
>My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack
>He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup
>He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
>
>As funny as a burning orphanage
>
>He's so camp, he sh1ts tent pegs
>
>I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
>
>I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)
>
>(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
>She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn
>
>As busy as the dalkey dole office
>
>Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
>
>As tight as a nun's knickers
>
>I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
>
>I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
>the
>van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
>
>Up and down like a hoor's knickers
>
>No show pony but would do for a ride around the house
>
>Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
>
>What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt?
>
>I left her with a face like a painters radio
>
>A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard
>
>Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
>
>As fit as a butcher's dog
>
>She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book
>
>Not even the tide would take her out
>
>Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her
>
>Daz wouldn't shift her
>
>Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
>
>A sniper wouldn't take her out
>
>Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
>
>If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one
>
>She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a
>
>nettle
>
>She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
>
>She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab
>
>If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall
>
>Give her a boot in the arse and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of
>
>her

1.Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill....

2.'A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards'

3. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals'

4. '· The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible'

5.'·If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?'

6. "Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it."

7.Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve'

8.Champions keep playing until they get it right

9.Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not.
Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it.
Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.

10.I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail.
But I like that. I need to be hated.

11.If you can't accept losing, you can't win.

12.The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me."

13.Some people think Hurling is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that."

14.Don't wish it were easier, wish you were tougher

15.If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

16."Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake..."

17."Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day."

18."Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them."

19."Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort."

20.When people say to me: "How do you do so many things?" I often answer them without meaning to be cruel: "How do you do so little?" It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people sit in front of the TV and treat life as if it goes on forever."

21."The secret of getting ahead is getting started."


0 Comments 8 days ago



wat a speech!

Wallace: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace.

Young soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall.

Wallace: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I am William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?

Veteran soldier: Fight? Against that? No, we will run; and we will live.

Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live -- at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!

Wallace and Soldiers: Alba gu bra! (Scotland forever!)

Difficult Words
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon


Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Specificity

Passive-aggressive disorder

Transubstantiate


Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

Nope, no more drink for me

Sorry, but you're not really my type

No taco fries for me, thank you

Good evening garda, isn't it lovely out tonight?

I'm not interested in fighting you.

Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing

No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.

Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or door.

0 Comments