The way to treat them!!

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time your in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she giv

30 things to do in an elevator

1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5.Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream,"that's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator

8.Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask
if they have an appointment.

9.Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits
with the passengers.

12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

15.Swat at flies that don't exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura

17.Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,
"Got enough air in there?"

20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce,
"I have new socks on."

26Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.Fart loudly then exclaim "Not I said the wolf"

28.Jump up and down then look at the floor and shout " let go you bastard "

29.Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."

30.Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls
whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction

CORK SLANG!!!!!!! TRANSLATED FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF
CORK SLANG!!

This is your first lesson in de frases of de Cork biys. C'mere I realize

some of the feens and de wans have pure hassle with de Cork speak like.

So have a sconse!!jst remember CORK IS D REAL CAPITOL!!

leave a comment on ne thing left out!!

PART 1: EXPRESSIONS

1) C'mere = Excuse me
2) I will yeah! = no!
3) What's the story fella? = how are you?
4) hows the form? = hows it hanging?:
5) You would yeah! = You wouldn't dare!
6) Here la = here you are
7) There la = it's over there / look over there
State a him la = He looks bad
9) (Ah / Awe) now sham = that's good
10) I claim ya = I would really like to engage in a fight with you.
11) Pure = very
12) Two fucks = care
13) Couldn't give two fucks = I don't care
14) Like = this word is used at least once in every Cork sentence. E.g.
Ah know like you understand don't ya?
15) Like eh = Used as a hesitation at the start of a sentence.
16) Nawful (he's a nawful langer) = terrible
17) Bate = beat up, used with da fuck. E.g. I'll bate da fuck outa ya
1 Have a lash off = have a go
19) Lash into hash = Smoke cannabis
20) Be wide = be careful
21) Scetch = There's someone coming (be wide)
22) Be doggy wide = be extra careful
23) How bad bhoy = good
24) Bhoy (pronounced-by biya) = man / person. Not necessarily a Celt.
25) A trip in the white van = A trip in an ambulance
PART 2: NOUNS & VERBS
26) Brasser / stella / tramp / trollup / whore bag prostitute
27) Stella = Girl who wears her hair up in bob, chews on gum, has
earings the size of hulla hoops, and are mostly norries (see no.71)
2 Jammy Rag = a tampon
29) Steamer / bender / queer / ass-bandit / faggot / puff / gaylord =
homosexual 29 b) Hairy = Child molester / peodaphile or old person /
experienced person
30) Blouse = Steamer ( ya fuckin' blouse)
31) Wan / bure = female
32) Young wan = female child
33) Fella / fein / feeno / your man = male
34) Small fella = Male child
35) Mam / dad / ole man / ole laid / oul fella / oul wan = mother/father
36) Lulla / subla / din-din / a suck / cream crackers = knackers
37) Apache = joyrider
3 Salk = stolen car
39) Sham = young male / hard man or knacker
40) Sham-feen = macho / hard-man
41) Snout / gonker / snoz = nose
42) Gib / gap / gant / gearbox / pussy / bush / muff vagina
43) Pussy = chicken shit or faggot (see no.29)
44) Langer / langerdan: prick
45) Gowl (Ghoul) = Stupid person
46) Gimp = Feckin eejit
47) Gimpy walk = person with the mousy walk (wabbling from side to side)
4 Fifty = Stood up
49) Poppies / tatties = Potatoes
50) Yolkes = ecstasy
51) Duby / chatnospoof = hash
52) a nodge = small bit of hash
53) a knock = a lump of hash of any size
54) A deal = 10 pounds worth of hash
55) A score = 20 pounds worth of hash
56) Shades / law / blue bottles / pigs / = Gardai
57) Two-bulb / shade mo-beal (awe now feen pull a leggar) = squad car
5 Pig stie = Garda station
59) Speedy = Garda motorbike
60) Gatch = walk
61) Snobby cunt / faggot = well-off person
62) Gammy = deformed
63) Jag / doing a line / jaggin / meetin a wan /with / scoring = going
out with
64) Gatt / lush / drink = alcholic beverages
65) Gattin / on the piss / gettin langers / pintin / on the ear = going
drinkin(in a pub)
66) Bushin = going drinkin on the street
67) Reef / reefin / mangle = beat up / beating up
6 Lamp / skanse / la = look
69) Droppin / Wizz = need to piss
70) Hangin = Need a fag
71) Wah / Whacker: scumbag
72) Norrie = Person from Northside of the City.
73) Frame / kit = woman's body
74) Flaa = good lookin' girl
75) Feak = see no.73
76) Is she feakin' = is she fuckable
77) Drain the weasel / go for a slash / take a piss urinate somewhere
PART 3 : PLACE NAMES
7 Grawn: Gurranabraher
79) Knocka: Knocknaheeney
80) Mahn: Mahon
81) da Han: Ballyphehane
82) Tokor: Togher
83) da Glen: The Glen
84) Pana: St. Patrick Street
85) Fl