the facts of life (i.e chuck norris)
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.


Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

If yout type Chuck Norris beaten up into google it would return 0 Results as it is fact that it does not happen.

Chuck norris won a game of connect four in three moves

Chuck norris counted to infinity twice

When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he doesn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised

the continents didn't drift away from each other, they just found out that chuck norris was gonna be on america so they all ran away

Chuck Norris was supposed to have a twin brother but he didnt survive chuck's nine months practice of floating roundhouse kicks.

jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can swim through the dry land

Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is here

AIDS was specifically designed to kill chuck norris. It failed miserably.

Who would win the race between Batman and Superman to the moon??? Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from anybody

Many years ago they made chuck norris toilet paper but the company who made it was forced to stop the production because the toilet papers didnt take shit from anybody

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief expor

The Rovers 116 days ago

shannon rovers quotes
wedding shoes
''''bring home the bacon''''....
'''''its time to put the shoulder to the wheel'''''.......
'''''he might not be much of a dog but he's our dog''''''.......
''''''ye are a fine bunch of felllas'''''
''''''hey we are going to leave no stone unturned this year''''''....
''''''we are going to do everything right this year we will mind the fucking mice at the crossroads''''
'''''''im fairly good to analyse it'''''
'''''''your not too bad but id clean you
'''''''ah stop it id hurl that lad meslf at 45 he's not related to a hurler

p burke......
im the gaffer im the boss the buck stops witn me.......
'''''its time to bust up the chicken''''....
''''''do the damage'''
''''''hey empty the fucking guts out there in the second half
...hey these fuckers wont be too fucking bad, look at them, not too many of the fuckers have beer bellies on them''''
....hey lawlor im fucking cleaing you and im nearly 40'''
''''''hey its like this now girls we are going to wire into these fuckers here today, no acting the bollix''''
'''''half time in under 21 match against borris '98,'''right lads right .right hey look at the fucking size of ye.get fucking out there and hunt..hunt.. hunt ..wire into them bastards hunt...hunt ...hunt
'''''hey we are going to keep the hammer down on these fuckers now
'''''we are going to keep it as tight as ducks arses in the backs
'''''hey you would want hairs on your balls going out to hurl them lads
''''''hey we dont need white bread men here,the rovers need brown bread men
'''''body body body
''''''hey that lads a fair hurler ,a fucking dog thats what he is
'''''the reds are back'''''''

Tony Fox
''''hey theres only one thing for football and thats a six inch nail
''''im not going into that fucker at all ,he's not fucking injured at all
''''im not giving ye any more sliotars ,ye can fuck off
''''hey that lad is nothing short of a bollix

limerick city ya kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 251 days ago

> Please come here, - mere u were told

> My runners smell, - smell o shit off dem sham

> Sorry I didn't quite catch that, - shut up talkin shit u fukin gomie

> I was slightly drunk, - stop sham i was mouldy!

> How are you ! - aboy cuz!

> You silly person - you fukin steamer

> You really are a silly person - ohh your pure slow u gomie

> I'm afraid that I can't go for that, - i will in my hole u mad bastard

> Let's go out and get drunk - 'mon we go lushin

> May I have a bag of chips with garlic dressing - garlic chipncheese dare boss


> You unlawful person - fuckin handicap

> There was quite a lot of people - dare was about 40 millin of dem sham!

> Running up the street - takin takie!

> Will you make love to me - giv us a feak dare

> Do you understand me - nah wa i mean cuzz

> I will fight you - ill box de fukin hed off ya

> Theres a swimming pool in the house - pool nal init sham!!

> Please leave now - goway from around me

> Run away now - mon we leave this shit hole

> Have you got a cigarette - me out a fag

> Be quiet - be wisht

> Can you ride a horse - canya jock a horse

> Hello, I met you before in a pub but I can't remember your name - story kid


> Sorry, I didn't quite catch that - wat u on about

> How are you doing - hapnin cuzz

> You are a silly person - u fukin gomie

> You really are a silly person - on my mothers life ur one fukin steamer

> Jennifer, would you come here please - hoy bure MERE!

> Lets drive up and down O'Connell Street in our Johnny Go Fast cars at
3.30am with the 1 petrol we have in the car - mon we go spinnin

> If you continue to talk to me in that tone of voice I will hit you
-keep gettin smart n ill dig d face off ya

> I can't think of anything to slag you about, but your last comment
was very funny and everyone is now laughing at me - your mother

>Everyone is laughing at me and i need to regain respect~*down to the boyz for back up