How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

• How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

• What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?

• What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

• How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in

• What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

• What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality

• What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.

• Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

• Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.

• How do you get a drummer to play quieter?
Put a chart in front of him

• Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

• What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

• How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

• What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
Drool.

• Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

• Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

• What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
The poster child for Birth Control.

• What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
Mildly retarded.

• What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
A dope ring.

• What has three legs and an asshole?
A drum stool.

• What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.

• What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A tatoo.

• What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
The pizza can feed a family of four