1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had s3x with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets David instead.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.
When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22. When David Hasselhoff does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.

28. Once David Hasselhoff went into Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. And got it.

29. David Hasselhoff uses a live rattlesnake as a condom

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

11. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Check your oil! Please.

15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

16. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

17. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

19. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

20. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

22. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

23. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

24. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

25. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

26. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

27. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

28. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

29. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

30. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or monster trucks.

31. You have enough clothes.

32. You have too many shoes.

33. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

34. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

35. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

36. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

37. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.