*In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
*Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
*Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
*Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
*Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
*When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
*When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
*The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
*Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
*Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
*Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
*Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
*Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
*Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
*Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
*The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once.
*Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
*Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
*Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
*Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
*As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
*If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
*Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
*Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
*Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
*Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
*Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
*Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.
*At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
*Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
*According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
*Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
*Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
*Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
*Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.
*Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
*The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
*Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
*Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard ru