1) After dumping Jase, former girlfriend Donna Air told an interviewer,
"I wouldn't date any more footballers - they're not the brightest of
people." Which is saying something as Donna is famous for once asking
brother-and-sisters bodhran botherers The Corrs how they met.

2) On spotting another famous face in a Dublin nightclub, Jason decided
to make the star feel welcome by yelling out a catchphrase he would
naturally be familiar with. What snooker's Jimmy White made of the
sudden cry "One hundred and eighty!" is sadly not recorded.

3) Jason's nickname is Trigger, after the Only Fools And Horses
character ("If it's a girl, they're gonna call it Rose, after
Del's mum. And if it's a boy, they're gonna call it Rodney,
after Dave"). This caused problems when he first arrived at Liverpool as
Rob Jones, then regarded as the least cerebral player at Anfield,
already owned the name. In recognition of his superior claim, however,
McAteer was later christened 'Double Trigger'.

4) According to former Blackburn team-mates, Jason's greatest moment
came on a squad night out to an Italian restaurant. Asked by the
waitress whether he wanted his pizza cut up into eighths, McAteer is
alleged to have replied, "Nah, I'm not that hungry - just cut it into
four."

5) In another possibly apocryphal (that means it might be made up,
Jason) story, McAteer is reckoned to have asked a Liverpool team-mate
what to put in the space marked 'Position In Company' on a credit
card application form. According to legend, the source of McAteer's
confusion was that "I'm a central midfielder but the boss is playing
me at right wing-back."

6) Jason is a keen gourmet. After Ireland qualified for the second
stage of the 1994 World Cup finals, he spent the night eating Chicken
McNuggets while sitting on the bonnet of a stretch limousine in New
York's Times Square in the company of U2 bassist Adam Clayton. Among
his happiest memories of first club Bolton are "getting out on my own
and going down to Tesco to buy my favourite biscuits". Jason also
believes Gerard Houllier's biggest mistake at Liverpool has been
ordering the players to abandon their morning ritual of eating toast
before training.

7) Many cruel folk have suggested that Jason doesn't know much at
all. But according to the voiceover on his bewildering 1998 Head And
Shoulders advert, "Jason knows he can have it all". In this case, "it
all" appeared to involve soaping himself homoerotically with the
well-known salve for the flaky-scalped. L'Oreal hawker David Ginola
was said to be "not losing much sleep" over our boy's performance.

Jason calls his best friend "a deep thinker - he could easily be a
news reporter". Jason's best friend is Phil Babb.

9) Ireland's otherwise unremarkable World Cup warmup match against
Sanfreece Hiroshima was memorable for two things: a dreadful late foul
upon our hero by Tulio and Jason's subsequent assessment of his
injury, picked up expertly by Sky's pitchside microphones for
broadcast to the watching millions back home: "My knee's f***ed! My
knee's f***ed!" Needless to say, it wasn't.

10) Ireland team-mate Ian Harte says: "The other week Jason gave a
Ralph Lauren polo shirt to his mum to wash and those shirts are longer
at the back than at the front. His mum didn't spot this until after
she'd washed it, thought she'd shrunk the front, and so cut the back to
make both sides equal. He says that's where he gets his stupidity
from."

11) When Jase was made captain on his 50th appearance for Ireland he livened up the press conference with Mick McCarthy by announcing that as Mick had been known as Captain Fantastic he wanted to be called Captain Sensible. A clearly amused McCarthy stiffled a giggle and asked 'Since when have you been sensible Jason?' 'Since you made me captain gaffer' came the lightning reply!

You’ll Never Walk Alone:
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high,
And don’t be afraid of the dark,
At the end of a storm,
There’s a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark,
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown,
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you’ll never walk alone,
You’ll never walk alone.

Fields Of Anfield Road
Outside the Shankly gates, I heard a Kopite calling, Shankly they have taken you away,
But you left a great eleven, Before you went to heaven,
Now it’s glory round the Fields of Anfield Road.

Chorus :
All round the Fields of Anfield Road,
Where once we watched the King Kenny play (and he could play),
We had Heighway on the wing, We had dreams and songs to sing,
Of the glory round the Fields of Anfield Road

Outside the Paisley Gates, I heard a Kopite calling
Paisley they have taken you away..
You led the great 11, Back in Rome in 77
And the red men they are still playing the same way….

We’ve won it five times
We won it five times,
We won it five tiimes,
In Istanbul, we won it five times

We’ll win it six times,
We’ll win it six tiimes,
In Gay Paree, we’ll win it six times
We love you Liverpool
We Love you Liverpool we do. We Love you Liverpool we do.
We Love you Liverpool we do. Oh Liverpool we love you.

Shankly is our hero, he showed us how to play
The mighty reds of Europe are out to win today
He made a team of champions, with every man a king
And every game we love to win and this is what we sing.

We Love you Liverpool we do. We Love you Liverpool we do.
We Love you Liverpool we do. Oh Liverpool we love you.

Clemence is our goalie, the best there is around
And Keegan is the greatest that Shankly ever found
Heighway is our favourite, a wizard of the game
Anh heres the mighty Toshack to do it once again.

We Love you Liverpool we do. We Love you Liverpool we do.
We Love you Liverpool we do. Oh Liverpool we love you.

We’ve won the league, we’ve won the cup,
We’re masters of the game.
And just to prove how good we are
We’ll do it all again.
We’ve got another team to beat and so we’ve got to try
‘Cos we’re the best in all the land
And that’s the reason why ..

We Love you Liverpool we do. We Love you Liverpool we do.
We Love you Liverpool we do. Oh Liverpool we love you.

The Reds are coming up the hill
Who’s that coming up the hill boys,
The Reds are coming up the hill boys,
They all laugh at us,
They all mock at us,
They all say our days are numbered,
Born to be a scouse,
Victoriously,
If you wanna win the cup,
Then you better hurry up,
Cos its Liverpool F.C.,
Victorious and glorious
We took the Gwladys Street between the four of us,
So you better thank God, there was only f***ing four,
Imagine what we’de done if there was more of us.

We all live in a Red and White Kop
(To the tune of ‘We all live in a yellow submarine’ - The Beatles)
On a Saturday afternoon
We support a team called Liverpool
And we sing until we drop
On the famous Spion Kop
We all live in a red and white Kop
A red and white Kop
A red and white Kop
We all live in a red and white Kop
A red and white Kop
A red and white Kop
(Repeat forever)

We hate Nottingham Forest
We hate Nottingham Forest
We hate Everton too (they`re shit!)
We hate Man United
But….
Liverpool we love you.

Poor Scouser Tommy:
Let me tell you the story of a poor boy, who was sent far away from his home,
to fight for his king and his country, and also the old folks back home,

So they put him in a highland division, sent him off to a far foreign land,
where the flies swarm around in their thousands, and there’s nothing to see but the sand.

And the battle it started the next morning, under the radiant sun,
I remember that Poor Scouser Tommy, he was shot by an old Nazi gun.

As he lay on the battlefield dying (dying-dying),

GORDAN STRACHAN - FOOTBALL MANAGER / COMIC GENIUS


ACTUAL ANSWERS GIVEN BY STRACHAN TO REPORTERS WHILE AT
SOUTHHAMTON

On Wayne Rooney...

"It's an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."


Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"

Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesborough were better than you today?

Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.

Reporter: "Gordon, what will you take from today?"

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.

Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. So I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick-down negative man, down.

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?

Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?

Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"

Strachan: "I don't do impressions"

Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?

Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!

Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation
would you play?

Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself