70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of James Kelly's weight is his dick.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for James Kelly.

The chief export of James Kelly is pain.

Jesus can walk on water, but James Kelly can swim through dry land.

James Kelly doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures James Kelly has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with James Kelly.

James Kelly does not sleep. He waits.

James Kelly is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right testicles.

James Kelly is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

James Kelly counted to infinity - twice.

When James Kelly does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

James Kelly’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

James Kelly can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

James Kelly doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

James Kelly does not get frostbite. James Kelly bites frost

If you have five pounds and James Kelly has five pounds, James Kelly has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on James Kelly's computer. James Kelly is always in control.

James Kelly drives an ice cream truck covered in the crushed pelvises of his victims.

James Kelly doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

James Kelly was the first man on the moon. He lay on his back!

James Kelly's cock was what really sunk the titanic.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on foreplay with James Kelly.

'The Grand Canyon' is the name used to describe any woman that has slept with James Kelly.

James Kelly can never rape anyone. Rape would imply it wasn't wanted. Everyone wants James kelly.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to James Kelly's cum shot.

If tapped, James Kelly's erection could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For James Kelly's, each testicle is larger than the other one.

On his birthday, James Kelly randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Little known medical fact: James Kelly invented the Caesarean section when he got an erection in his monther's womb.

James Kelly is responsible for China's over-population. He went on holiday in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

The day James Kelly lost his virginity is the real life day known as 'The Day the Earth Stood Still'.

James Kelly fucked a girl into a coma.

James Kelly was receiving head and gave the girl a brain tumor.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Sex with James Kelly, 3. Cancer

James Kelly can make a woman orgasm by pointing at her and saying 'Boo-Yah!'

Looking directly at James Kelly's penis with the naked eye will cause your head to instantly explode three times.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but with James Kelly's penis it was destroyed in one.

God created man, James Kelly created God.

James Kelly attended an orgy. There were no survivors…

The video 'Death by Horse Cock' was actually based upon one Halloween when James Kelly dressed as a donkey.

James Kelly can shoot down planes by pointing his dick at them and saying 'Bang'.

James Kelly recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not James Kelly.

James Kelly wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

The Bible was originally titled "James Kelly and Friends"

James Kelly's penis is actually his own father.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what James Kelly calls the pile of victims he leaves after a gang-

&MemberIdA collection of crap we have said and/or done over the past couple of years.

RM Milky Network Scores: (don’t ask, at least not on Bebo)
Philip: 4
Iain: 2
Cameron: 2
Elliot: 2

NAUGHTY STRAWBERRYS!!!!!!!!! we were shouting that at folks, and did you see that muffin on tv last night? Stange, some girl said she had, almost as weird as us me thinks

Iain: *Walking past the William Wallica Statue* Every gay man’s dream, a 7ft man with a 5ft sword…

Kris asked out Lana "Wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-will you go-o-o-o out with me?" (sorry Kris, but that was freakin' halarious! No offence intended)

BIBLE FIGHT!

Cameron Looks like a duck…

We found a drink in Paris called Pshiit! (the sound that is meant to be made when you open a can, but it’s basically just called p-shit)

Lottie would make a scarily good man one day!

Steve the sleeve!

Will was allowed to phone Snappy Tomato Pizza in the middle of English to order his lunch!

People: When does Alex F get back from Italy?
Ainsley: He’s not in Italy, he’s in Rome!

Fork Hands! MREH!

Diet Irn-Bru is made from sleeping pills! The Barr corperation will destroy us all!

Iain Downed (yes, DOWNED, as in ‘In one go’) FOUR Things of rainbow dust!

Fud of red

Hi Miss Robb…

*Iain wearing white socks with his trousers pulled up to his knees, innposh voice*: I go to Gordons, these are my summer shorts…

It’s freshly squeezed…

I’m naturally stoned…

Jen: Jess is great at blowing!

Slaughterdeath Mutilation Complex From The Planet Zebulon Five
^^ That’s a band!

“I want to take an epileptic person to a rave”
Later, I said that to an epileptic person who I didn’t realise at the time was epileptic. Now we’re making our own rave (Y)

Blacktrin the Emo Rocker.

THREE teachers mistook me for a girl ¬¬

Monty’s a racist.

All I remember is these glowing breasts…

Chaz: *After The Zico Chain gig* I know what album I’m downloading tonight.
Me: Same!
Chaz: Oh yeah…ABBA Gold.
Me: *laughs* Yes, I think I’m gonna go for Prince’s greatest hits.
Chaz: The sad thing is, I have both those albums you just mentioned.

Zico Chain had the most considerate mosh pit ever.

I like 80’s electro pop, funk and heavy metal. What a combo (Y)

You have a rack worthy of the gods!

Do you remember that episode of South Park…
Damn you Neil ¬_¬

We spend our Saturday nights playing Poke’mon Stadium
Karp! Karp!

James will be eaten by a flower.
After he confessed his love to it…

We went to the mcr (they don’t deserve capital letters) gig. Still not clean!…

Tacos!

TNSMTWBPMTSS (The Non-Shitty Music Thing Where Bands Play More Than Two Songs

Was in the Bring Me The Horizon mosh pit with two tubes of glowsticks down my trousers. Whenever I got pushed off of someone (all guys might I add, makes it worse…) they must have thought I just had a massive boner… I also lost my shoe in that. About forty guys jumping on your foot isn’t that fun.

Liam Humphries is no longer called that. Please refer to him as one of the following:
Bumfluff
Humps
Humperdink
Super Humperdink
(I actually forgot his real name once I’m so used to calling him that)

In britain this is a polo.
In Ethiopia, this is a life ring.
Stuart told that to Mr Gray!

Yes, I’ve worn a glowstick bra
There’s pictures somewhere on bebo.
http://www.bebo.com/PhotoAlbumBig.js...
^^ The picture. Although it’s not great quality. I’ll wear another one and get a better pic. Soon…

God I have such woman hands…
I should be a hand model!

I love fridge!
He is very sexy!
His name is Hubert and he live in my Kitchen!

*In bad racist mexican accent*
“My name is Jennifer Lopez.
I like Tacos and burritos.
Ooh tasty toast.
I banged my head.
Give me a kiss.
*mwa

So there I am in Sri Lanka, formally Srilong, looking for 1000 brown M+M's to fill a brandy glass or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff beck pops his round the door and mentions that there's this little sweet shop on the edge of town, so, we go, and, it's closed. So there's me, Kieth Moon and David Crosby breakin' into this little sweet shop, but instead of a guard dog, they had this great big, bloody Bengal Tiger! Well, I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shop-keeper and his son, that's a different story. I had to beat them to death, with their own shoes! But, sure enough, we got the M+M's and Ozzy went out, and did a hell of a show!