San Diego, the greatest city in the world. That's a fact. Discovered by Germans in 1904 they it called San Diego, which in German of course means a whale's vagina!

I'm going to punch you in your ovaries

Mmm.. I just burnt my tongue.

LOUD NOISES!!!

[to an offscreen cameraman] I'm on right now?... I don't believe you.[goes on smoking]

Hi, I'm Ron Burgandy...and I look gooooood. Hey everybody, come and see how good I look!

Hi, I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I'm polite, I'm rarely late. I like ice cream. Many Years later a doctor will tell me I have an IQ of 48, which I am what some people call 'mentally retarded'.

You stay classy San Diego!

Yeah well where did you get your pants... the... toilet store

[to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!

[to Baxter] What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

Then I'm going to take your Mother, Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.

Would you like to come to the pants party?

Just walking off a situation here. Don't act like you're not impressed!

Awwwh Freakin Sweet!

Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Get off my property you pervert

Well Sir, I May Be An Idiot, But There Is One Thing Im Not, And That Sir, Is An Idiot

By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.

Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

Huh, you know somthing? I always thought that dogs laid eggs. So, yeah. I learned something today.

(Peter is on a game show and has to guess letter) 'OK I will have a Q, another Q, and 3rd Q, a 4 and a batman sign'

(Chris) Dad, what would you say if I wanted to quit the boy scouts?
[Peter] I'd say come again, then I would laugh cause I said come.

Oh no! Someone peed in my pants!

Don't forget to stretch those creamy hamtrings

You know there are alternatives to fightin' 'Like what?' Like gettin' the hell outta here! Nah, I'm just messin'..could you imagine if I was really like that?

[Peter] Oh no she didn't!
[Joe] She did, Peter
[Peter] Oh no she didn't!
[Joe] Peter, she did!
[Peter] Oh no she di-
[Joe interrupts] SHE DID PETER... I JUST SAW IT!!!

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. (Lois and Peter stare in silence) Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts. (Peter and Lois keep staring) Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs) Peter: Who was that guy?

Hehehe Allright! Giggidy

Giggidy giggidy giggidy huh huh alright!

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Hey, baby. How would you like to go black, and then make a difficult decision regarding whether or not to go back?

Brian: You're drunk. Stewie: You're sexy.

Brian: You're drunk. Stewie: You're sexy.

You shot me in both my knees and set me on fire. Piss off

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.

Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Oh hey lady. Hey, what's going on? How are you? Yeah, oh it's just me, Stewie, just being myself, ah yeah. Oh, oh well this here? Oh, it's just my package, yeah just ah just ah my package, God delivered it I signed for it the world keeps on spinnin', yeah.

Olivia: You *are* the weakest link. Goodbye. Stewie;Aha ha ha. Oh, gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And yet, you have taken that and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Mmm, that's so fresh too. Any titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these at the height of their popularity? Hmm? Cause... I'm here. God you're SO funny.

Olivia: You *are* the weakest link. Goodbye. Stewie;Aha ha ha. Oh, gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And yet, you have taken that and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Mmm, that's so fresh too. Any titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these at the height of their popularity? Hmm? Cause... I'm here. God you're SO funny.

Coming up next: Can bees think? A new study shows that no. they cannot.

My wife and I weren't able to have children. That's why we chose to imagine them. The doctor suggested it and it's actually been incredibly rewarding.

These aren't tears of sadness because you're leaving me, I've just been cutting onions, I was making a lasange, for 1.

She's so hot. I wanna tell her how hot she is. If I tell her how hot she is she'll think I'm being sexist.. She's so hot, she's MAKING me sexist. Bitch

[MAN] (Holding a potato peeler) Im gonna count to ten! *long silence*
[JERMAINE] Um are you counting in your head?
[MAN] Yeah...
[ JERMAINE] ...What are you up to?
[MAN] Seven. *Backs bikes up and turns around*
[MAN] Yeah get your shitty bikes out of here before I peel your beard off!!

Come on sucker, lick my battery.

00000010000001100000111000001111

It wouldn't be gay to put a wig on a man and pretend they're a woman. How could that be gay if you're pretending they're a woman? Not that I did it.

I'm the hiphop-hippotamus my lyrics are bottomless...

Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis? Did Steve tell you that, per chance? Steeeve.

Did Steve tell you that? What kind of a rapping name is Steve anyway? .......... Steve

Did Steve tell you that? What kind of a rapping name is Steve anyway? .......... Steve

'No Albi you didn't kill me with your dragon flames, I crawled to safety... but you did leave me very badly disfigured.' Laughed the boy.

It's business time!

Bret.. I'm kinda doing all the work in this conversation.

Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

It was something like but not necessarily Schindler's List..

'What are you doing here? I thought I killed you yesterday.' said Albi, quite racistly

I take off my pants, and trip over them, but then I turn it into a little dance that makes you think 'mmm, yum, he's very sexy'

You can't break my heart, its liquid. It melted when when I met you.

She was riddin' him with her eyes

She was riddin' him with her eyes

I'm Irish woohoo!!! What does it mean?! Aaaggghh!! It means I'm not fuckin' English that's what it means!

You go up to the tallest person in the village 'Hello there, don't mind us, we're Irish, we're great craic, sure we're always laughin' in Ireland hahahaha mad as badgers. Jasus I went on the lock last night, came back home, put the rashers in the toaster hahahahaha'

You go up to the tallest person in the village 'Hello there, don't mind us, we're Irish, we're great craic, sure we're always laughin' in Ireland hahahaha mad as badgers. Jasus I went on the lock last night, came back home, put the rashers in the toaster hahahahaha'

Drive it Tommy, drive it, take no prisoners.

You're breaking the baba heart in me

I love lamp!

I woke up this morning in a Japanese family's rec room and they would NOT stop screaming!

I woke up this morning in a Japanese family's rec room and they would NOT stop screaming!

Your mom goes to college.

Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day

Goooooshh

'My lips hurt real bad...GOSH'

Freakin idiots

Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD

Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!

Vote for Pedro and all your wildest dreams will come true.

[watching ?Cheaper by the Dozen? after taking mushrooms] This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick. This is a sick movie. I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out

YOU'RE GONNA DIE CLOWN!

You have no idea what's comin', I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast, but only on Wedensdays