1. Jordan
2. Shaun
3. Paddy
4. Nicole
5. Gareth

1: Have you ever danced with number 2?
Yeah.

2: Where did you meet number 5 at?
School mate, first day.

3: Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4?
Lol, that'd be a wonder but nope.

4: Have you ever been to number 4's house?
Yes, not for long though, she has a dungeon.

5: Have you ever hung out with all of your TOP five at the same time?
Dang I think Nicole broke my answer, no.

6: Have you ever gone shopping with 2?
Yeah, bastard can't do anythin by himself.

7: Have you ever hated anyone on your top five?
Nah, never hated, maybe very annoyed lol.

8: Have you met number 5's family?
Yes indeedio

9: Do you know number 1's middle name?
Fuck, dang, fuck, no...

10: Have you ever eaten anything in front of 4?
Well these are my friends you see and I don't photosynthesise so yah.

11: Do you trust number 1?
Jordy hell yeah.

12 Have you and number 3 ever got into a fight?
She has beaten me up a few times, but I enjoyed it so hey, we're even.

13: Have you ever fought with # 2?
Nothing major anyways.

14: When's the last time you talked to 3 in person?
Fucking ages ago.

15: Is any of your top 5 family?
Can I adopt them?

16: How long have you known number 3?
3yrs.

18: Have you ever slept in the same bed with 2?
Nope.

19: Do you think you and 4 would make a good couple?
In some ways, maybe. Not so much in others, thanks for that answer Gaz I steal.

20: Would 1 do anything for you?
I think so, but I don't want to ask much from him.

21: Has 3 ever helped you?
A few times she has.

22: Have you ever slept in the same bed with number 5?
Yeah I think I have.

23: Out of your top 5 which one would you say you talk to the most?
Shaun....will the rest of you come back, one ain't enough lol.

24: Who have you known the shortest?
Paddy I'd say or Nicole.

27: Have you ever done anything illegal with number 2?
Who knows?

28: Will 1 - 5 repost this?
Probably not.

29: Who have you known the LONGEST?
Jordan by a hair then Gaz.

30: Is number 5 important?
Damn right he is.

31: Do you love any of them?
Very muchly so I do.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. it can be anything you want-good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised about what people remember about you.

People say "Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world". Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there's a REAL big fucking drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the 5th largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports.

If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEAL fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few songs.
The musicians today who don't do drugs and in fact speak out against it? "Rock Against Drugs?" BOY do they suck.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, what?" "Ummmmmmm...." End of argument.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

I dunno how much AIDS scares y'all, but I got a theory: the day they come out with a cure for AIDS, a guaranteed one-shot cure, on that day there's gonna be fucking in the streets, man.

One of my big fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to come to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding on to for years.


"I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.
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"Pick it up."
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"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."
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"Pick up the gun."
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"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."
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"Pick up the gun."
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(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun."