Something for the weekend!

"The weekend has landed. All that exists now is clubs, drugs, pubs and parties. I've got 48 hours off from the world, man. I'm gonna blow steam out my head like a screaming kettle, I'm gonna talk cod shit to strangers all night, I'm gonna lose the plot on the dancefloor. The free radicals inside me are freakin', man! Tonight I'm Jip Travolta, I'm Peter Popper, I'm going to never-never land with my chosen family, man. We're gonna get more spaced out than Neil Armstrong ever did, anything could happen tonight, you know? This could be the best night of my life. I've got 73 quid in my back burner - I'm gonna wax the lot, man! The Milky Bars are on me! Yeah!"
-Jip, Human Traffic (1999)


Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
> A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
>
> Q. What's a mixed feeling?
> A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
>
> Q. What's the height of conceit?
> A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>
> Q. What's the definition of macho?
> A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a woman’s G-spot and a golf ball?
> A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
>
> Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
> A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
>
> Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
> A. Because it's worth it!
>
> Q. What is a Yankee?
> A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
> A. They both like a tight seal.
>
> Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
> A. Their balls are just for decoration.
>
> Q. What is the difference between "/ooooooh/" and "/aaaaaaah/"?
> A. About three inches.
>
> Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
> A. For traction in the mud.
>
> Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
> A. The grip.
>
> Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
> A. It's not hard.
>
> Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
> A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
>
> Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
> A: 45 pounds.

> Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
> A: 45 minutes.
>
> Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> A: Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
> A. The swallow.
>
> Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
> A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
>
> Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
> A. They don't have balls to scratch!

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The Net is Closing in on Paddy The Rapist
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One suspect for Dundalk & Louth assaults
(This actually is on the RTE website 2day, (slighty altered by Feeble tho)
Thursday, 9 August 2007 07:52



Gardaí investigating 15 sexual assaults and attempted sexual assaults in county Louth and Dundalk say they believe the same person may be responsible. The attacks have occurred in the last two years - firstly in Co Louth and more recently in Dundalk.

The Crimestoppers group is offering a €10,000 cash reward for information that helps solve the crimes.

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Between mid 2005 and January of this year, one man is believed to have committed eleven sexual assaults against women in Co Louth.

Since the start of this year, one man is suspected of committing two sexual assaults and attempting two other attacks in Dundalk.

Following an analysis by the Viclas computer system, which logs all sexual crimes committed in the country, gardaí now say they suspect the same individual is responsible for the attacks in both counties.

The man has attacked women in public places but has also conned his way into homes, pretending he is selling boxer p