Ben Dover

Betty Swollox

Mary Hinge

Loose Bowels

BAN-Gok Wan

Trevor Trunchon

Mke Hunt (Oh He Exists)

Dick Assman

Valerie (Va) Gina

Richard (Dick) Cox

Wan-Kin Too

Willie Snappit (Acrobat in a circus)

Dykes, Dick Van Dykes, All Dykes (Sorry had to get that out)

Feel free to add!

Alan is wearing a hard hat with the word 'BOSS' written on it.
“No offence Lynn but technically, your life isn't worth insuring.”

Alans talking to the Builders in his new house about his marital status:
"I'm divorced... I've got access to the kids but they don’t want to see me!"

Saying who he'd like to ideally meet:
"I'd like to meet Sean Connery and I'd take him for a lovely lamb lunch in the centre of Windsor"

Alan bragging about his young girlfriend to Phil Wiley.
“Im 47, My girlfriend's 33, she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!”

To Sonja after they have had sex in the caravan.
“That was classic intercourse!”

Talking to the estate agent while viewing the house.
“The best thing I ever did was getting thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor, he drinks that yellow stuff in tins... He's an idiot!”

An argument with a farmer on his radio show:
Peter: "My friends. . . "
Alan: [Interrupting] "Are farmyard animals, yes."
Peter: "You’re talking about my friends, here."
Alan: "I’ve probably got more friends than you’ve got cows."
Peter: "This is ridiculous."
Alan: "How many cows have you got?"
Peter: "I’ve got a hundred cattle."
Alan: "Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and four friends."

Alan on his radio show
"I'm off to a BP garage for a mushroom slice."

Alan depressed and talking to Michael at the bar.
"I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch."

Alan's giving a talk at a school and is embarrased by his ex-friend who is now the teacher of the class.
"Well... at least I didn't get the lab-assistant pregnant and then never see the child... Back of the net!"

Alan trying to un-Americanise Tex at the BP garage.
Tex: “I'll have a Dr.Pepper, put it on my tab!”
Alan: “I'll have a Ginsters from the fridge put it on my slate”

Talking about the Irish Famine.
“I mean, if it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day, you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. If they could afford to emigrate then they could afford to eat in a modest restaurant.”

On Valentine's Day. Alan is in bed with Jill.
“Mousse from a bowl is nice but to put it on a person is demented!”

Alan, Sonja and Lynn are in his Lexus driving to the country club.
“Dan's a great man. I was talking to him today on the phone and he was asking me what phone I have and I said a Motorola Timeport and he said 'that's SAAAAAADDDDD! you need to upgrade' and I said 'so do you to a new face!' He nearly soiled himself he said he was laughing so hard, he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils and that made me laugh... But my nostrils were clear…”

Describing his outfit.
“The classic English gentleman abroad: It's David Niven. It's Stuart Grainger. It's Nigel Havers. The look - Imperial Leisure. Offset that look with those four summer reliables - hat, cravat, summer spectacles and, for that touch of class, the Alan Partridge blazer badge.”

Lynn comes in looking very happy.
“You look awful cheery on the first anniversary of your mother's death.”

Sonia and Alan in their new home
Sonia: "I love you Alan"
Alan: "Thanks a lot!"

Alan talks to Michael about Tex
“Convoy? Michael your hanging around with a person who uses a collective term for a single object.”

Alan gets Lynn to take a fake beard from Sonja
“Well done Lynn... that was textbook.”

Alan is trying to avoid a fight in the petrol station.
“The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down!!!!”

Alan and Michael in the BP garage.
“Michael: I believe in reincarnaton like. I'd like to come back as an animal like a dolphin.”
Alan: “Dolphins are quite intelligent Mic

My Collection Of Musical Theatre Cd's!

1. The Phantom Of The Opera (2004 film Soundtrack)
2. The Phantom Of The Opera (Original London Cast Recording)
3. Les Miserables (Original London Cast Recording)
4. Jesus Christ Superstar (Original Cast Recording)
5. The Beautiful Game (Original London Cast Recording)
6. The Buddy Holly Story (Original London Cast Recording)
7. HAIRSPRAY!!! (Original Broadway Cast)
8. Guys and Dolls (New Broadway Cast)
9. The Lion King (Original Broadway Cast)
10. Hair (Original Soundtrack Recording)
11. Aspects Of Love (Original London Cast Recording)
12. We Will Rock You (Original London Cast Recording)
13. Little Shop Of Horrors (Original Cast Recording)
14. Bombay Dreams (Original London Cast Recording)
15. West Side Story (Original Broadway Cast Recording
16. Annie (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
17. Bugsy Malone (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
18. The Sound Of Music (2006 London Palladium Cast Recording)
19. Evita (2006 London Palladium Cast Recording)
20. Evita (Original London Cast Recording)
21. Oliver (1994 London Palladium Cast Recording)
22. Chicago (New Broadway Cast Recording)
23. Cabaret (New Broadway Cast Recording)
24. A Chorus Line (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
23. Starlight Express (Original London Cast Recording)
24. Whistle Down The Wind (Original London Cast Recording)
25. Grease (New Broadway Cast Recording)
26. Gypsy (New Broadway Cast Recording)
27. High School Musical (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
28. My Fair Lady (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
29. Mary Poppins (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
30. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (Original London Cast Recording)
31. The King & I (Hollywood Studio Cast)
32. Mamma Mia (Original Cast Recording) (5th Anniversary Edition)
33. Miss Saigon (Original London Cast Recording)
34. Monty Python's Spamalot (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
35. Oaklahoma! (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
36. The Producers (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
37. Rent! (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
38. The Rocky Horror Show (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
39. Sunset Boulevard (Original London Cast Recording)
40. Tell Me On A Sunday (2003 Revival Cast - Denise Van Outen)
41. Yentl (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
42. Cabaret (Original Broadway Cast)
43. A Little Night Music (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
44. Les Miserables (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
45. Hello, Dolly (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
46. The Wedding Singer (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
47. Sweeney Todd (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
48. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
49. Grease (The Original Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)
50. Hairspray (2007 Original Motion Picture Soundtrack 2 CD Deluxe Edition)
51. Evita (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
52. High School Musical: Theatre (Vocal)
53. Martin Guerre (Original Cast Recording)
54. Les Miserables (Complete Symphonic Recording)
55. Beauty and the Beast (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
56. Jersey Boys (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
57. Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Recording (10th Anniversary AKA Dream Cast)
58. Sound Of Music 40th Anniversary Soundtrack (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
59. Dirty Dancing (London Cast Recording)
60. High School Musical 2 (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
61. Barnum (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
63. EFX (1995 Las Vegas Cast)
64. Mary Poppins (Original London Cast Recording)
65. Fiddler On The Roof (Original Motion Picture - 30th Anniversary Edition)
66. Andrew Lloyd Webber Divas (Various Artists)
67. Mamma Mia (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
68. Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
69. Cabaret (2006 London Lyric Theatre Cast Recording)
70. The Lion King (West End Orchestra and Singers Recording)
71. Marguerite (Original London Cast Recording)
72. High School Music 3: