WE AT SIMONTOLOGY MAKE PEOPLE THE BEST PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THEIR CURRENT SITUATION!!!

WE OFFER ENLIGHTENMENT!!!

WE OFFER SHINY THINGS!!!

WE OFFER BACK UP SHOULD THERE BE DIFFUCULTY PLAYING FREE ONLINE MULTI-PLAYER GAMES!!!

WE AGREE WITH THE POLITICIAN WHO IS SAYING NICE THINGS!!!

WE ARE AGAINST WAR UNLESS IT'S NOT VIOLENT!!!

WE HAVE A STRONG DISLIKE OF BRUSSEL SPROUTS!!!

WE GIVE ADVICE ON RE-MORTGAGING ONES HOME!!!

WE TAKE PART IN THE WORSHIP OF GODS!!!

WE ARE THE UNDISPUTED PROGENY OF WARFARE(?)

YES WE LISTEN TO DIMMU BORGIR!!!

WE ENJOY THE THOUGHT OF MUSIC!!!

WE ENJOY LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND HOLDING HANDS!!!

WE'RE JUST WAY BETTER THAN THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY IN EVER WAY BECAUSE TOM CRUISE TRIED TO RIP US OFF!!!

WE LIKE JEAN RENO, THE FRENCH DUDE FROM 'LEON' AND MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, WHO ALSO PLAYED A CHARACTER NAMED JEACQ BLANC IN ONMUSHA 3!!!

OUR VIEWS ARE UPDATED REGULARLY!!!

WE ARE ON THE WAY TO UNDERSTANDING WHAT "FREEDOM OF CHOICE IS"

WE DON'T REALLY GIVE A MONKEYS IF YOU'RE GAY BI OR STRAIGHT!!!

WE CARE IF YOU ARE A TRANSEXUAL UNLESS YOUR SELF ESTEEM IS MUCH HIGHER NOW THAN IT USED TO BE!!!

THOSE WHO REFUSE TO JOIN, WE HAVE DIRT ON YOU AND WILL TELL THE WORLD ABOUT VIA BLOGS AND 'SAYINGS'!!!

WE DON'T WORSHIP SIMONS, WE THINK IT'S AN INTERESTING NAME!!!

SIMONTOLOGY IS A GREAT FAN OF PERFECT GRAMMAR!!!

WE MAY TURN THIS INTO A REAL RELIGION SOMEDAY!!!

WE ARE JUST WAY COOL!!!

THE MEANING OF LIFE IS OBVIOUS!!!

A TREE WHICH FALLS IN THE FOREST AND NO ONE IS AROUND TO HEAR IT DOES MAKE A SOUND, AS IN VIBRATIONS, HOWEVER SOUND AS IN THE HEARING OF IT IS NOT THERE!!!

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE TO HEAR A TREE FALL IN THE FOREST!!!

THE THOUGHT OF THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING ELIMINATES THE POINT OF CLAPPING!!!

SO SHUT UP!!!

WE BELIEVE THAT FRANK SINATRA SHOULD HAVE PLAYED AS SKY MASTERSON!!!

WE THINK THE DIALOGUE IN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 WAS CRAP!!!

WE BELIEVE THE SCRIPT IN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 WAS CRAP!!!

WE HAVE NOTHING AGAINST TOM CRUISE PERSONALLY!!!

DIERDRE DOES NOT SPELL HER NAME THIS WAY!!!

YES WE ARE USING THE SAME CROSS AS THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY AS OUR HOMEPAGE!!!

WE HAD IT FIRST!!!

WE RECOGNISE THE FACT THAT NOEL FIELDING IS INDEED A LEGEND!!!

WE SUPPORT THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!

" http://www.venganza.org/ "!!!

WE BELIEVE IN BEING KIND TO ONES OWN MOTHER!!!

WE ARE OF THE OPINION THAT "FREEZONE" IS THE BETTER FORM OF SCIENTOLOGY!!!

DIANETICS IS A FORM OF HYPNOSIS!!!

HYPNOSIS IS THE EXPOSURE OF THE SUBCONCIOUS SO THAT IT MAY BE OPEN TO SUGGESTION!!!

YES, YOU CAN CHANGE WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY!!!

INFACT, THIS IS WHAT SIMONTOLOGY TEACHES!!!

YES, YOU CAN BRAINWASH YOUR FRIENDS!!!

WE DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!!!

SERIOUSLY...!!!

WE ARE OF THE OPINION THAT SOUTH PARK IS IS A GOOD PROGRAMME!!!

THE NEW "AIDS" EPISODE IS TERRIBLE!!!

JOIN US AND BE SAVED!!!