Chuck Norris!!
Chuck Norris


1)Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2)Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3)Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
3)While riding the elevator, Chuck Norris never pushes the button, the elevator better just know what floor Chuck Norris needs to be on.
4)Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
5)When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6)If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
7)The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
9)Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
10)When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
11)Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
12)Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
13)Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
14)As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
15)If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
16)A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
17)If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
1 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
19)Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
20)Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
21)Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
22)When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
23)Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
24)Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
25)Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
26)Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
27)At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
2 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
29)A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
30)Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
31)According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
32)Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
33)Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
34)The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist