Trick One: Using old cards

Yep, they're starting to use the same colours over again. That means that oany old cards you have lying around, with less than four signatures on, can be used again. Simply get an old card out, and make a few tears in the direction of your old form on it. Make it illegible, so that even if a teacher does look at it they cannot read it. Alternatively, you could just leave it how it is and hope they don't look, as a member of staff may not accept a card if it is illegible. Be careful when you use your old uniform card - do not use it at the very start of a term if it already has signatures on it, if it is ripped or crumpled, or it is not issue number one. I suggest only using issue two cards after four weeks, and issue three cards after six weeks. You must also be careful not to let a member of staff see the dates of old signatures - they will realise what's going on if they see an old date on there.


Trick Two: Getting a new card without a detention

Basically, this one relies on sympathy and a bit of rain. One very rainy morning, preferably near the beginning of term, go to the toilet and run water all over your uniform until it falls apart or the ink smudges and becomes impossible to read. Then take it to the office, still with soaking wet hair, clothes and bag, and ask them if you can have a new card without a detention. If you pull it off well, you should get a new card without a detention – however, if you’re shit at the sympathy thing, you may just find yourself with a detention, a uniform card with issue number two, and the people in the office laughing at you.


Trick Three: Making uniform cards

Now, with the last colour of uniform cards, it would have been extremely difficult to reproduce a uniform card as the correct shade of lilac is not available in the arts and crafts shop up town, or the paper shop at the outlet. BUT, with the current uniform cards (bright blue) it is relatively easy to find exactly the right shade. So, copy the uniform card as best you can in word or publisher (cutting & pasting logos from the website) or simply photocopy an old card. It may take a while to get the card exactly right if you are creating it yourself, but it will be well worth it. Now the main problem, as people see it, as that stupid little stamp thingy they have in the office place. Well, you could just steal it, but that’s going a bit far and they’d know what had happened. It’s also illegal, so DO NOT STEAL IT – there are easier solutions anyway; the first being to simply not put a stamp on and leave it. Most members of staff will not bother to look, and even if they do you can simply claim they did not stamp it before giving it you. You could, however, just crease up the top a bit so that the section where the stamp would be is very crumpled and impossible to see – if anyone points out the stamp is not there, you can say that it is, and claim you can see it. (Use hand gestures for effect). The last method is a bit crazy, as it is so difficult – but it should make an almost perfect replica. Simply use the nib of a fountain pen with no ink cartridge in it to impress the stamp on it by hand. It takes a while and is very complex, but will definitely pay off.


Trick Four: Getting signatures and still entering the raffle

This could be considered a bit pointless, as the prizes in the raffle at the end of term are not that good – nor are the chances of winning one of the prizes. Either way, I’ll still explain it here. There are two ways – one of them involving trick three, and one involving no other method. The first way is to simply forge an issue one uniform card using the method explained above, and then enter that in the raffle. However, if you would rather have a single B33/S1 detention then you’re better off with this next method. Either wait until a member of staff asks for your uniform card and say

1. Blazer to be worn
2. Top button done up and covered by tie.
3. Shirt to be tucked in.
4. Tie to show 4 stripes of each colou.r
5. Plain dark grey or black trousers.
6. Black shoes (not trainers).
7. No jewellery.
8. No earpohnes or mobile phone visible.
9. No. P.E. Kit.


the crap spelling & grammar on these never ceases to amaze me, considering we're supposed to be clever kids