LUCKY LIVERPOOL MY ARSE!!!
The year is 2007 and little bluenose Duncan is talking to his bluenose Dad.
SON "Dad, my mates in school told me that Liverpool won the European Cup for the 5th time in 2005 ? are they right dad?

DAD "Yes son, it's true, but they were dead lucky son, all the way through the tournament"

SON "Why dad?"

DAD "Well in the group stages ?.."

SON "What dad, did they have a team from Azerbaijan, Israel, and Wales in their group?"

DAD "Well no, they had Monaco, Deportivo la Coruna, and Olympiakos"

SON "Well they still sound like 3 easy teams to me dad"

DAD "Actually Monaco reached the final the year before, Olympiakos had won their league 7 times out of the previous 8 seasons, and Deportivo finished above the galacticos of Real Madrid in their league".

SON "Jeez dad, that sounds like quite a difficult group then".

DAD "yeh I suppose your right son, but they were still lucky ? it took a mi**** shot by Gerrard against Olympiakos to get through".

SON "oh is that the goal were your hero Andy Gray goes berserk shouting "you beauty, you beauty, what a hit son, what a hit!!!!"

DAD "yes son it is"

SON "oh ok. Well what happened in the last 16 dad, who did they draw?"

DAD "Bayer Leverkusen"

SON "Bayer who?"

DAD "Exactly son, but they had beaten Real Madrid 3-0 at home, and won their group that included Dinamo Kiev and Roma too."

SON "bloody hell dad, they sound good".

DAD "yes, I suppose you're right son"

SON "so did they win on away goals or something"

DAD "errrrr, no, they won both legs 3-1 each"

SON "oh ? well who next then dad"

DAD "Juventus"

SON "How the f#ck did they get past them Dad?"

DAD "Well they did ? they won 2-1 at home, and cruised to a 0-0 away draw without Juve having hardly any chances".

SON "were Juve sh#t at that time ? had all their decent players gone or something?"

DAD "well actually they still had players like Del Piero, Nedved, Ibrahimovic, Thuram, and Buffon in the side. And they won Serie A a few weeks later."

SON "wow, they beat the Italian champions elect ? which **** easy team did they get in the semi then?"

DAD "Chelsea"

SON "Chelsea ? for f#cks sake ? what a **** easy draw ? they've won nothing, Everton have won more than them".

DAD "well that season they won the Premiership and League Cup but the Red ***** didn't let them score in 180 minutes of football"

SON "Jesus Christ ? so Liverpool beat the English Champions elect too"

DAD "yes son, they bloody well did".

SON "so after all that I suppose all the good teams had been knocked out"

DAD "not quite son, AC Milan awaited them in the final"

SON "no way ? aren't they the 2nd most successful team in the competition's history".

DAD "yes son they are"

SON "so were Liverpool lucky because Milan had all their good players out with injuries"

DAD "no ? they had Shevchenko, Crespo, Maldini, Nesta, Cafu, Kaka, Stam, Dida, Gattuso, Pirlo, and Seedorf".

SON "your 'avin a laff"

DAD "it gets worse son, Milan were cruising 3-0 up at half-time".

SON "what happened, did they have 3 men sent off in the second half ? how did Liverpool get back into the game?"

DAD "no, Milan had no men sent off, the Red ***** scored 3 goals in 6 minutes"

SON "against the best defence in Europe"

DAD "yes!!!, against the best defence in Europe"

SON "so what happened next - extra time?"

DAD "yes son, and Dudek made the luckiest save ever to stop a Shevchenko shot from a yard"

SON "why was it lucky dad ? did it hit him on the arse, nose, shoulder or something"

DAD "no son, his hand"

SON "well aren't goalies meant to save shots with their hands"

DAD "yeah but that's besides the point"

SON "then what"

DAD "penalties!"

SON "English teams are crap at penalties"

DAD "not this f#ckin time they weren't ? they only missed one. And that's how Liverpool became the luckiest team to win the European Cup".

SON "but I bet when the

Imagine if all the major brands started selling their own condoms and kept their original tag-lines..........

>>Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better

>>Tesco Condoms - every little helps

>>Nike Condoms - Just do it

>>Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life

>>KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

>>Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand

>>Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load

>>Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing

>>Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

>>Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper

>>Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

>>Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work

>>Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you

>>Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

>>Renault Condoms - size really does matter

>>Domestos Condoms - gets right in the rim

>>Heineken Condoms -reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

>>Carlsberg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world

>>Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole..(v poor seller )

>>McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' it

Being irish is about driving in a German car to an scottish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,aTurkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most irish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in ireland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in ireland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in ireland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in ireland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in ireland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in ireland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in ireland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 irish ppl die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 irish ppl were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 irish ppl are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 irish ppl have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 irish ppl have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 irish ppl had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 irish ppl were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 irish ppl were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight irish ppl were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be irish, send this on!

IRELAND - Love it, or Leave it