· Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
· She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.
· She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
· Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
· He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
· The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
· The little boat gently drifted across the pond - exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
· He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
· McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
· From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
· Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
· The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
· John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
· He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
· She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
· She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
· It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
· Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
· The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
· The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
· "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted; her breasts heaving like a university student on $1-a-beer night.
· He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
· The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and drinks coming.
Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS GOING WRONG?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8

And the No.1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10