I'm as sick as a small hospital
She had a face on her like a well slapped arse
Your' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit
My mouth's as dry as a nun' s cr@ck
He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
As funny as a burning orphanage
He's so camp, he shites tent pegs
I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
I feel like a boiled sh1te (hung-over)
(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn
As busy as the Dalkey dole office
Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
As tight as a nun's knickers
I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
Up and down like a whore's knickers
No show pony but would do for a ride around the house
Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt
I left her with a face like a painter' s radio
A Mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard!!
Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
As fit as a butcher's dog
She ' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book
Not even the tide would take her out
Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her
Daz wouldn't shift her
A sniper wouldn't take her out
Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle
She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child

things that us boggers love...

A nice bit of ham.
Buttered biscuits.
Diggin Houles.
Saying its too cold to snow
Pretending to know about The Ra.
Tayto Cheese & Onion
Pretending they're in The Ra.
A stretch in the evenings
Lucozade
Accordians
Pretending to like Holy Week.
A dinner dance
Gettin clattered in muck.
Shania Twain.
Hefers
Spittin in their hands before doing anything manual
Steel toe caps.
A big bowl of carrots & parsnips.
Eating sangwiches out of the boot of a car at GAA
Saying someones 'Opened a Book' on something.
The smell of fresh dung.
Slice-Your-Own Loaf.
Work Clothes
A bottle of mineral.
Fightin'.
Puttin on a ganzee to stop them from bein foundered
'The' Hurling/Fitball.
Being overweight.
Wimin da resemble Hefers.
Saying "Aaah" after taking their first sup of tae.
Drink driving.
Red dieselThe Fear of Change.
A nice bit of Barnbrac
Lying.
Building walls.
Being starved with the cold rather than with a lack of food
Pretending to like mass
Talking about shite like Flax and the Corncrake.
A good blackthorn walkin stick.
Shouting 'Yeeeeeoooo' when something good happens.
Mohammed Ali.
Machinery.
Strange uppy-downy walks.
A good fuckin read of Irelands Own.
Gelling their 1cm fringe tight to their forehead.
Scandal, as long as its about other people.
Turf, because central heatin's for weemin.
Soda farls.
Sponge 'n Custirt
Newmerica', and anything to do with it.
Givin the dog the wildest baytins.
Givin the wife the wildest baytins.
The Ra.
Winning a leg of lamb in a raffle.
Wrecking the house whilst steaming.
Club Orange
Rubbing their hands together before tucking into their dinner
The Foot & Mouth.
Aetin' a big feed of spuds.
TK Red Lemonad
pink snacks
opel corsas
farmers journal


Things we hate

Payin tax
Slow puncture
Hay thats inclined te heat
Red wine (and white wine)
A heifer calf
Loosin a bet
Skimmed milk
Hitchin a lift in the dark
Cricket
Sermons about money
Eminem
Warble fly
Thinking about the price of diesel
Loosin the cross play for a turkey
Wimbleton
Fillin out subsidy forms
Wet turf
Bluebottles
A bad mart
People who know everything
Trying ta shave with an old blade
Porter stains on a white shirt
The budget
Dark evenings
Dublin winnin The Rose of Tralee
Getting sheep dip in a cut
Signin checks
Loosin ta Cork

The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows John walker is after it.

George walshes calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools george walsh

Andrew walsh counted to infinity - twice.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Stephen scallon for help.

When Jack joyce exercises, the machine gets stronger

Will o'moroche doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs

Finn troy, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to finn, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break octavian Fitzherbert open you would find another octo inside, only smaller and angrier.

Paul murray can slam a revolving door

clieve kenninton was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Killian kever and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Ben kavanagh was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop

Keron wallace puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Ghosts are actually caused by Kevin killing people faster than Death can process them.

When Andrew Davis does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Callum is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

luke Fitz's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Alan jephson can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Sliabh sold his soul to the devil for his superhuman strength and unparalleled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Sliabh dump tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Hunter doesn't see dead people, he makes people see dead.

The chief export of William o'donavan is pain.

After much debate, President Bush decided to send the U.S. Marines to Iraq rather than the alternative of sending sam butler. It was
more "humane".