A sales rep goes to a cotton mill to see a bloke called Bill. When he gets there, he's told Bill's gone. "Where's he gone?" asks the rep.
"He's gone for cotton."
"Alright," says the rep, "I'll try later."

The rep returns a few days later, and says "Can I speak to Bill?" but again is told that "Bill's gone."
"Where's he gone?" asks the rep
"He's gone for cotton."
"I'll come back Monday." says the rep.

Back at the mill the following Monday, he asks to see Bill.
"Bill's dead," says the man at the mill, "Died on Saturday. Funeral's next week."

The sales rep attends the funeral. After everyone's left, he looks down at the gravestone.

Here Lies Bill

Gone. But Not For Cotton.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said:
"Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said: "Yes."
I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?









Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.









So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.



By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen