> 40-ish.................49

> Adventurous............Slept with everyone

> Athletic..............No tits

> Average looking................Ugly

> Beautiful.........Pathological liar

> Contagious Smile.................Does a lot of pills

> Emotionally secure...............On medication

> Feminist..................Fat

> Free spirit................Junkie

> Friendship first...............Former slut

> Fun...................Annoying

> New Age.............Body hair in the wrong places

> Old-fashioned.................No BJs

> Open-minded................Desperate

> Outgoing..............Loud and Embarrassing

> Passionate..............Sloppy drunk

> Professional..............Bitch

> Voluptuous..............Very Fat

> Large frame...............Hugely Fat

> Wants Soul mate............Stalker

A UCD, a DIT and a Trinity student were in an airplane >
that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white
throne.
God addresses the UCD student first: "What do you believe
in?" The UCD Student replies,"Well, I believe in power to the little
people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with
that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses the DIT student: "What do you believe in?" The DIT student replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is
evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more
freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all
die....Waaahhh."

God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come
and sit at my right."

God then addresses the Trinity student: "What do you believe in?".
And he replies: "I believe you are in my chair."

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at DCU?
A. They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the
Carlow campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a BESS bird does when she wakes
up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What does a UCD student call a Trinity student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at DIT Kevin Street burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the
books weren't coloured-in yet.

Q. Why do UCD graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What do tornadoes and Arts graduates have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How many Athlone IT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None - Westmeath looks better in the dark.

Q. How many Trinity students does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A. One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around
him

Q. How many UCD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two - One to change the bulb and one more to explain
how they did it every bit as well as any TCD student.

Q. How many Bolton St. DIT students does it take to changea lightbulb?
A. Three - One to change it and two to figure out how to
get high off the old one.

Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead UCC student in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. If you see a DIT student on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q What do you have when 100 Arts students are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You are trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake,
and a UCC student. You have a gun with two bullets. What
should you
do?
A. Shoot the UCC student...twice.

Q: What do u call a LIT student in a suit?
A: The Defendant

Q:What do u call a UL graduate in a suit?
A: The LIT student's lawyer

a journey of a thousand miles,
starts with a single step,
nothing in my life,
has contradicted that yet.

a picture paints a thousand word,
what if its a really,really small picture,
you'd be struggling,
not to repeat yourself.

its the early bird that gets the worm,
thats fine with me,
id rather toast and coffee,
havent eaten worms since my childhood.

a good man is hard to find,
especially if hes hiding.

its not all beer and skittles,
try telling that to a barman,
in the bowling alley.

first things first,
second things second,
third things thrid,
you can guess the rest.

theres more than one way to skin a cat,
theres two ways,
but the second ways,
a lot harder than the first.

Rome wasnt built in a day,
but i bet some of it was,
pasrt of a road?
or a bit of a bridge.

blood is thicker than water,
but not as thick as oatmeal.

laughters the best medicine,
try tellin that to a kid with cancer.

a good man is hard to find,
especially if he's hiding,
in a field in combat gear
and a fake beard.

im just a simple man,
i dont pretend to understand...