Choose 7 failed attempts at the European Cup. Choose to be knocked out of Europe 5 times in 5 seasons. Choose to waste countless millions. Choose to support a team from a city you have never been to. Choose whining. Choose to wear shit grey shirts and then blame them when Southampton stuff you. Choose to release Cantona because he’s the only one who realises how shit Cole is. Choose cheating. Choose not to condemn your player when he’s been convicted of assault. Choose to spend your career in the reserves because the money’s good. Choose a psychopathic Irishman as your captain and call him a gifted visionary. Choose to waste 7 million on Cole. Choose the arrogance to field your reserve team then complain about the consequences. Choose a racist Albino with pink eyes and a red nose as your goalkeeper. Choose not to be liked by anyone and pretend not to care. Choose your own referee and linesmen-except in Europe. Choose a Norwegian paperboy as your top goalscorer. Choose your club before your country. Choose to have the biggest squad in british football then complain about injuries. Choose Wales before England. Choose Paul Parker. Choose to be arse-licked by the media and accuse them of being Anti-United. Choose to forget 1969-1993 ever existed. Choose to change the team you support every ten years. Choose to shield your players from TV interviews until they can read and write. Choose a sour-faced scot as your manager. Choose to change your kit 6 times a season. Choose to be snubbed by every decent player around the world then pretend you didn’t want them anyway. Choose self-deception and delusions of Grandeur. Choose your best player ever an incoherent, wife-beating, alcoholic Irishman. Choose to poach your ‘impressive youth policy’ from other clubs. Choose to sign a world-class centre forward beginning with S.H. and pretend not to care when you get Sheringham instead of Shearer. Choose to go for the triple and end up with fuck all. Choose embarrassment. CHOOSE MAN UNITED!