The following excerpts were taken from Disorder in the American Courts, a book published by court reporters detailing actual, word-for-word transcripts from true cases.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
***


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
***


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
***


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 21.
***


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
***


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
***




ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
***


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
***


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
***


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



***
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
***









ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Yalabella yabella yub yub yub
who's gona win da hogan cup
J...A...R...L...A...T...H...S
jarlaths,jarlaths,jarlaths

From the heart of galways county
to da fields of victory
our backs are strong and sturdy
our forwards quick and true
we're marching outa connacht
we're in da semi's too
all-ireland wil remember us,da brilliant boys in blue!

The Hogan belongs to Saint Jarlaths
The Hogan belongs to our team
The Hogan belongs to Saint Jarlaths...
So bring back the Hogan to SJC!
Bring bak......oh bring bak....
oh bring bak da hogan ta SJC!!

In Tuams fair city
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
She wheeled her wheel-barrow
Down streets broad an narrow crying
JARLATHS!!
JARLATHS!!
JARLATHS!!

Roysh, this is the story all about how
My Golf GTI almost got nicked, turned inside out.
And I'd loike to take a minute, we'll have a talk,
I'll tell you how I became the Prince of a school called Blackrock.

In west Glenageary, born and raised,
On the rugby pitch is where I spent most of my days...
Chillaxing, abbreviating, looking all cool,
Wearing my Polo Sport in and out of school.

When a couple of knackers who were up to no good,
Started wearing shellsuits in my neighbourhood.
They tried to start a fight, I got a bit of a shock,
I said "I'm moving with my rugger-bugger mates to Blackrock!"

The old dear begged and pleaded with me, day after day
But I packed my pink polos and went on my way.
She gave me a kiss and then a Dorsh ticket.
I put some Snoop Dogg on and said I might as well kick it!

I whistled for a jo-maxi and when it came near,
The licence plate said Limerick and had dice on the mirror.
If anything I'd say I'd rather walk,
But I said WHATEVER!, roysh , home to Blackrock!!!

I pulled up to the school around 7 or 8
I yelled to the skobbie driver "yeah thanks loser, later!"
Looked at all the Dubes - couldn't ask for more,
I sat on my throne, the (Legend) Prince of D4.!!!