1.What would u do if i Committed suicide?
2.What would u do if i Said I lov u?
3.What would u do if i Kissed u?
4.What would u do if i Lived next door?
5.What would u do if i Was raped?
6.What would u do if i Started smokin?
7.What would u do if i Stole?
8.How did we meet?
9.What do u tink of me?
10.Best memory of me?
11.How long will we be friends?
12.Do u love me?
13.Have I hurt you?
14.Wud u hug me?
15.Wud u Kiss me?
16.Wud u Do me?
17.Are we close?
18.Scale of 1-10, hw fit am i?
19.Am I loveable?
20.How long have u known me?
21.Describe me in 1 wrd?
22.Have u ever been mad at me?
23.Wat reminds u of me?
24.Do u know me well?
25.Are you going to put this in ur blog to see what i say bout u

A rare interview with the man himself, conducted by one of Ireland's most prestigious interviewers, Dave Fanning:

Dave Fanning: Deco, is this how you envisaged your life would turn out when you were younger?

Deco: pretty much ya, although i expected id have newer clothes, and when i was a young lad i dreamed about flaggins of devils bit cider, never in my wildest dreams did i imagine Tesco would launch a takeover bid of Quinnsworth.. that day remains the single most important day of my life.. it brought value, tesco value to me and the boys

Dave Fanning: What would you describe as a perfect Sunday?

Deco: Sunday, today you mean?

Dave Fanning: no today is Tuesday

Deco: right ya, well my sundays start off like any other day, i used to go to mass but i was banned after i was framed for puttin shit on the walls

Dave Fanning: Framed deco? you were caught red handed,, or brown handed as it would be..

Deco; no no the guards framed me and put my hand down my arse and forced me to do it... anyway back to the perfect sunday,, it would begin with drinking all the left over pints around the streets, i like to keep the streets clean, then i just wander around akin people for change.

Dave Fanning: Why did you choose to be a bum?

Deco: well to be honest it chose me, ya dont just stick bum on the cao form, ya have to work very hard from an early age, gettin the taste for warm beer and perfectin your beggin skills. different bums have different techniques, some are crazy bums, some are blind or crippled im a drunkin bum whos also very annoying, i think thats why im so successful,

Dave Fanning: right, ya you me 5 euro come to think of it!
who has been the biggest influence on ur career as a bum?

Deco: I have two, my da and PK the bud. my da set the standards for me when i was a young lad ya know. he got sacked all the time, he was on the dole, he beat me ma which was important for my development, i didnt realize it then but it would be important in the future as i set out to be just like him.
PK is an inspiration to us all, he doesnt shower, doesnt change his clothes, doesnt use mixers so he saves money, hes a good lad PK is

Dave Fanning: right ya, what do ya think of the new U2 album?

Deco: i wouldn know too much about the competition now. I like the Boner lad

Dave Fanning: yes ok. Deco do you think you've peaked or is there more to come from the dirty one?

Deco; no no i think theres more from deco. im tryin to mix it around more this year, subtle things like askin for money in new locations, tryin to broadin my fan base by hangin around golf courses with biscuits and stuff like that. im hopin to get the new celtic jersey too, need to move with the times, thats why iv got the tinternet and the websites and the bebos and youtubs ta wash me self and that.

Dave Fanning: intriguing Deco. why do you think people are constantly linking you with being dead??

Deco: thats actually my publicists idea. framing my death makes people fork out more change,




Interview conducted by Eddie Hobbs

Eddie Hobbs: Deco im here to help you with your financial problems, now im goooin to need your cooperation if this is goin to be scuccessful is that fine with you?

Deco: i dont know who you are or how you know my name but ya ok

Eddie Hobbs: right so Deco, according to my figures here your earning on average 20 euuuuro an hour by begging is that right?

Deco: i think thats right ya but i couldnt be sure i get pissed around 2 and usually black out.

Eddie Hobbs: well yes thats what appears to be the problem, your sending alot on drink, could this be reduced?

Deco: no but i could try find somethin cheaper to drink i suppose

Eddie Hobbs: now we're on the right track! what i propose is that you buy a bottle of white spirits a week in b&q it'll, save 15,000 euuuro a year! what does that sound like.

Deco: sounds like a lot of cider to me ha ha ha ha, im only messin with ya wat ya say ur