Here is the approved (by random people) step-by-step guide

Contents
1 Step One: Money
2 Step Two: Territory
3 Step Three: Citizens and Government
3.1 Governement
4 Step Four: Military
4.1 Step Four and a Half (Optional, reccomended only of you plan to be a pyscho dictator with a horrible reputation)

Step One: Money
You will need immense amounts of money. Examples of why you need money include:
Lawyers
Land
Publisity and adveritising
Weapons
You army's doomsday device that can destroy the world (optional)
If you wish to obtain this money, refer to Worst_100_Money_Making_Schemes_of_
 All_Time or HowTo eech_off_the_government. If you want to do it the legal way, then get a job or invest on some new little-known idea like this.

This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series

Step Two: Territory
Every country needs land, right? Well here are some suggestions for land to buy or places to found:
A random uninhabited island - most people won't buy a random uninhabited island, so it should be easy to obtain one.
Your own Federation Starship (consult HowTo:Construct_a_Federation_Stars
 hip) - you won't have border problems, but you will need lots of more money to build it and construct a spaceport.
War zones - prices are cheap
You could also claim a military base like Sealand, but that would require a lot of lawyers and an army, which will be discussed in Step Four.

Step Three: Citizens and Government
Promise good things to people (like free money) and you will get a flurry of immigration. Just don't say that the money will be in your currency.
Do a publicity stunt. Get adveritisments and start a website like this one.
The more publicity, the better. Good examples of adveritising include:
Hiring someone to run around with a banner adveritising your country.
Staging a false takeover of your nation and then coming out on top of the "invaders".
Sell passports.
Bribe a newspaper editor to feature your nation on the front page.
Sue whatever country sold you the land until they recognise you as soverign.
Attempt to join UN, NATO and WTO.

Governement
PS. MAKE SURE YOU CAME UP FOR A NAME FOR YOUR NATION, AN ANTHEM, AND A FLAG!!! Appoint yourself head of state. Who wouldn't?
Step Three and a Half (Optional, reccomended only of you plan to be a pyscho dictator with a horrible reputation) Also, hire lawyers to make a constitution that will look good but in fact have loophole that let you be the ultimate evil dictator for life MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ...I mean lifelong nation leader ..hehe. Make you the head of the powerful appointed Head and Military Department. Have the other powerless State, Court, Legistative, Economic, Emergency, Communications, Research, Health and Food Ministry heads be elected.

Step Four: Military
Pay the soldiers, navymen, pilots, and arms manufacturers a lot. Just make sure they live in you nation so you can pay them in your currency.

]Step Four and a Half (Optional, reccomended only of you plan to be a pyscho dictator with a horrible reputation)
If you want to be known as a dangerous and evil person, hire scientists to build a superweapon that can destroy planets. THIS IS NOT RECCOMENDED!

You're sitting there in your chair, sipping a beer. Your wife has finally stopped yelling at you to - what was it she said - "Get off your lazy ass and do something!" Next, you managed to get off your lazy ass and do something; specifically, put batteries into the remote to prevent you from having to do such a thing again. Finally, you turned off the HGTV your wife had put on to force you out of said chair, and turned on ABC. All of a sudden, you realize something. From seeing John Madden blabbering on the TV, your lethargic mind recollected what your masculinity should have prevented you from forgetting: TODAY IS SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! As your mind races to figure out what to do, you realize why your wife has stopped bitching: she's off to pick up her family for the giant bash. This is the very same bash that you promised her that you would set up. At the time, sex seemed worth it, but now, with the time ticking away, you're not so sure. You only have three hours (what your wife could be doing for those hours is beyond you. Don't worry about that, you have bigger fish to fry). So here you are, in your boxers with not a clue as to what to do. SHIT!

Contents

1 Preparatory Steps
1.1 Step 1: Don't Panic
1.2 Step 2: Stop Drinking
2 Setting Up The Party
2.1 Step 1: Get The Food and Drink
2.2 Step 2: Get the Decorations
2.3 Step 3: Get the Flatware
2.4 Step 4: Get the TV
2.5 Step 5: Set Up
3 The End/Beginning

To prepare yourself for what is about to come, take note of these following tips.

Step 1: Don't Panic
This is the most important part of setting up a last minute celebration. You fucked up, it's already happened. There's no changing that now. Sure, your initial instinct is to sit in your chair, continue to drink until you're oblivious, and cradle your head in your hands while singing "Staying Alive," but resist this urge. Such an emasculating route will do nothing for you but accentuate your embarrassment, and you don't want that. You certainly don't want that.
Instead, you should try to curb your anxiety using some easy-to-remember tricks. For example, instead of crying, try to breathe in and out steadily while simultaneously looking at pornography or fantasizing about doing so. However, this often isn't enough, and will sometimes even make your condition worse. Should this be your situation, rigorous calisthenics will do the trick.

Step 2: Stop Drinking
You're going to need to do very much driving in the coming hours, and to do this you must be as sober as possible. Also, to follow these directions carefully and correctly, you must be of the sharpest of mind. You can't screw this up, it will be your downfall. Nothing is worse for your reputation (street-cred, if you will) than setting up a lackluster party. Joe Franklin of Alabama says, "Yep. I been there. I screwed up. That's how I ended up in Alabama."
This is the least of the many cases where a man, well-meaning if extremely dense and forgetful, has lost it all (social status, marital status, and literacy) due to messing up a party. Now, most will tell you that it's impossible to set up anything good at the last minute, but that is untrue. If the effort is there, and the directions are followed, you should not fail. Now, enough preparation. Let's get to it!
[edit]Setting Up The Party

Step 1: Get The Food and Drink
Odds are, your family is gluttonous. Your friends are also likely gluttonous. Thus, the feeble foodstuffs that pervade your cabinet are not enough to tame the beast in them. Ergo, you're going to need to leave your home (which shouldn't be a problem if you followed the steps outlined above) and get food. Standard party fare should suffice, but if you're too much of an idiot to know what that is, here's a list of necessities.
Tip
Bring money, it's very helpful when attempting to purchase items.
Chips (Tortilla is most preferable, specifically unseasoned or otherwise flavored)
Dip (Ranch, Salsa, Queso, et cetera)
Beer (for the men)

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn\\\'t.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda\\\' like, sorta, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

\\\"Oh, Jason, take me!\\\" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 50 cent-a-pint night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame.Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the \\\"I Can\\\'t Believe It\\\'s Not Butter\\\" ad.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife\\\'s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Independent crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.