[after Fran says she thought he was gay] So did I, for a bit. Then I found out about the prohibitive standards of hygeine. And all that dancing!

She's playing with fire! He's not ready for Nibbly Pig!

You're scared of mice and spiders, but oh-so-much greater is your fear that one day the two species will cross-breed to form an all-powerful race of mice-spiders who will immobilize human beings in giant webs in order to steal cheese.

Don't you dare use party as a verb in this shop!

The Nazi turtle, a freshwater fascist for all the family.

You've made me very happy, Howard. Old Gregg's going to pick out a nice wedding dress, maybe crack open a fresh Baileys. I'm Old Gregg!

I'm about to stop playing 'Who should I kill first' in my head and just go for what feels natural. I think I'll start with me, then it's you.

[Police] How old are you McLovin?
[McLovin] Old enough
[Police] Old enough for what?
[McLovin] To party

This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick. This is a sick movie. I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out

(Writing email to fire department) 'Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out on the premises of...' No, that's too formal (Deletes). Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark. Help me, exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.

Okay, did you see what you did there? You started out great, when you said 'I like you', but do you remember what you did after that? Yeah, you mentioned the full-blown shingles and killing the pig. Yeah, that's not good.

This is my bedroom... I have a stuffed owl and some whiskey. Take your hat off...and your boots.

You wanna know about my thumb do ya boy? Intrigue ya does it boy? My Thumb? Let me tell ya 'bout it. I come from a long line of hitchhikers, all with bleedin' masive thumbs. You see the thumb its a tremendous boom to the hitchhiker, helps with work. Ya know what I mean? Only problem was, when I was a child, my thumb was tiny. Not just tiny like a single sugar puff, Disgusting! Even my own mother would reel back in horror, like an anaconda, 'Aagh! What is it!? Get it out of here! It's tiny! It's horrible, it's revolting! Take your tiny thumb and get out of here and never darken my door again!' she'd say. I had to leave the family unit, in search of a miracle. I wandered the streets, looking for the answer. And people told me of a magic shaman: part man, part hornet. So I went looking for him. I went everywhere. I combed the universe in search of the stripy insect shaman. Turns out he was in a local primary school, in the bin, reeling about with the apple cores. Like they do. And I stood there, with my thumb out, and he stung it, and he stung it. He grabbed onto it, it was like he was making love to it with his sting. In and out, in and out, more and more! Oh the pus, the pain, the black voodoo, the wet jigsaw puzzle! I didn't know what was happening. Oh for days I was in a trance. But when I came to, there it was. Like a fleshy maraca! A thumb of gigantic proportion! 'A miracle!' I said, 'A miracle, you're a true wizard! How can I ever repay ya?' And he said to me, 'Five hundred euros.' 'Five hundred euros!? You won't see penny one from me you slag!' And as I raised my thumb up, to smash his tiny skull in I could see in his little insect face, could see him thinkin', 'Oh, I created that monster! I created that thumb! And now it's killing me! My own beastly creation, killin' me dead. The sweet irony.' I think he was sayin' that, although it was a long time ago. And in hindsight, he coulda just been shittin' himself.

...is it true that you are an erotic adventurer of the most deranged kind?

By the power of grey skull!

If you type 'Google' into 'Google', you can break the internet