Useless crap that exists just to iritate you. Someone get rid of it!

*10* THE END OF BACK TO THE FUTURE 3
-An enormous time travelling steam train? We were with you before this, Doc, but frankly, now you can shove it up your arse.

*9* DRIZZLE
-It aint heavy enough to bother with a jacket, never mind a brolly, yet by the time you've reached the pub you're soaked to the skin and have got Hitler hair.

*8* THE WORLD CUP FINAL
-Never as good as it should be, but that's probably because we're never in it. Everyone knows they should just cancel the competition once all the home nations/Brazil are all out. When it's a choice between supporting Italy and France, like last year's, you're just fucked.

*7* SOFTCORE PORN
-Like a war film with no fighting! There's filth all over the web, so why waste time watching a bloke dressed as a plumber buffing a soft-focus nipple?

*6* THE FOURTH OFFICIAL
-Watches the game for 90 minutes and holds up a board with numbers on it when other people have asked him to. You could train a chimp to do that!

*5* ALARM CLOCKS
-The last thing you want to be hearing at the last time you want to hear it, every day of your life!

*4* FEELING A BIT HUNGOVER
-Not the monster hangovers, which btw are a testament to your hard drinking abilities. I mean the piddly little ones that merely make you spend all day feeling like you might follow through at any minute.

*3* THE WEEK AFTER A HAIRCUT
-It doesn't matter how much you've paid for it, you always look like you've got special needs for seven days after a haircut, and everyone in your life laughs in your face.

*2* PUTTING A DUVET COVER ON
-Far more complicated than it should be and, after five minutes of intense struggling, it makes you feel approximately one 10th of a man.

*1* ICE CREAM HEADACHES/BRAIN FREEZE
-Searing pain that briefly makes you think you're going to die. It's not an illness; it's not a problem - what is it? Now that's seriously lame!

Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know
there is -- and it's me.

Sorry, Mr. Burns. I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

NEMANJA!!!

When Nemanja Vidic does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

The chief export of Nemanja Vidic is Pain.

If you beat a team containing Nemanja Vidic in Pro Evo it will cause your PS2 to blow up.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nemanja Vidic could use to kill you - including the room itself.

Nemanja Vidic once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Nemanja Vidic, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Nemanja Vidic grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Nemanja Vidic once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

Nemanja Vidic played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Nemanja Vidic puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Nemanja Vidic hates The Beatles; two to go.

Nemanja Vidic crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

Nemanja Vidic died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Nemaja Vidic once woke up in a foul mood. The result was the Yugoslav wars.


Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Vidic once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either

Fergie didn't drop Darren Fletcher, Nemanja Vidic dropped Darren Fletcher.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't mark players, he permanently stamps them.

Nemanja Vidic once turned up for training late - Fergie fined the rest of the team for being early.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't head the ball away, the ball heads the other way.

Nemanja Vidic can slam revolving doors.

The 'big bang' was a Nemanja Vidic tackle.

Nemanja Vidic would have built Rome in a day

When Martin Luther King Had A Dream, He dreamt about Nemanja Vidic

Red Cards were invented to keep Nemanja Vidic out of jail

If Rio Ferdinand even dreams about covering for Nemanja Vidic in the belief that the big man may have been caught out of position, he immediately drives over to Vidic Dungeons and apologises.

Nemanja Vidic plays international football for Serbia & Montenegro because he didn't feel like choosing.

The reason why America attacked Iraq and not Manchester or North Korea is that they know Manchester and North Korea do have weapons of mass destruction.