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- Me, Myself, and I
- Young and sexy. Everything that ever counted in the gleaming Rock halls of yore. Cumulatively between themselves, the band are a frozen sperm bank of the Aryan Race (naturally mixed with strong polynesian [not samoan] and blasian blood). They, as a result of their wide-spread travels, and promiscuous encounters, have defeated every Sexual Transmitted Disease known to man*. The cries of their vanquished enemies are featured on numerous back-up vocals. Thine dying cries -- though no doubt fearsomely musical -- are no match for the sheer power of 8-part harmonies tearing through the air.
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The Johnson family was recently struck by further tragedy during midwinter musical mayhem month, as the elder Johnson brother, 'Standard Bass 30', was struck down by an unknown assailant. The prime suspect is the notorious 'Amp-crusher' Landon-Lane, already well known for his previous assault on the younger brother of SB30; however, specialist medical novices were unable to diagnose the exact cause of SB30's injuries, and the involvement of band member William W. Wood has not been ruled out.
Long time room mate of SB30, AK, first discovered SB30 in a poorly state when SB30 failed to respond to routine low Es with his usual clarity of attack and tone, and instead emitted a weak buzz. Further examination revealed several notes troubled SB30, and quick unplugging action may have saved SB30 from the same explosive fate as his brother.
Several band members were available for comment. AK is saddened by the deterioration of his trusty steed, and proclaimed that his unique tone will be sadly missed. Will (still under suspicion after his channelling of Neil Young through SB30) said "[nonchalant utterance]". Band sponsor Michael Fraser was also affected by the loss of Johnson: "It'll be good to have my drums back soon."
SB30 is currently in the intensive care unit of Behind AK's door. SB30 released a statement through the band spokesman in which he announced his retirement from all future band activities. He wishes the band all the best in their future endeavours.
8 Comments 254 weeks
Since Will is now saving for a synth, he will no longer be purchasing a cowbell. I know, I know, tis a terrible shame. I am most apologetic it has come to this.
4 Comments 258 weeks
Come friday filming will commence on the first ever STD Rockumentary, footage will include live jams on original and covered material plus an insiders view into our highly secretive recording process. There will be music, there will be laughter, and there will be blood.
After years spent performing as a 3 guitar/ 1 bass matrix, the band is finally moving to rectify this drastic inefficiency by shunting former lead guitarist Will to behind a drumkit, and punting former studio guitarist Thomas 'I can't stop laughing heehawwheehaww' Landon-Lane to the piano stool.
Will the STDs finally produce structured music? or will they implode after converting to such a conformist lineup?
Stay tuned folks.
12 Comments 270 weeks
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